FA+
Shop
Personal Update, 2025-07-30
a month ago
A lot of the problems I've been having over the past few days are the result of several factors culminating at once, all of which I am currently attempting to work through, slowly but steadily.
A big part of it was seeing sadness regarding the deceased artist I've referenced a few times - Their birthday was the 25th, and their family and friends had a celebration of their life - I did not attend, as even if I felt I could handle it, it was too far away for me to reasonably visit. But I did see several of their close friends posting tributes, in memoriam musings, memories, and other such things that are natural to grieving and mourning - But it was a bit too much for me, and I overloaded again.
I am fighting this by stepping away from the server in which they were active and their friends were talking the most about the subject, at least until the general mood stabilizes. I wish everyone all the best, but I can't be there while it's all going on - It's not healthy for me.
Another big factor was having to finish my trip to visit a friend, and getting the general post-vacation blues. This, sadly, I cannot mitigate outside of just letting time pass.
But the biggest factor, and one related to the other two, was I had fallen into a state of addiction to social media and engagement once again. This had started around my visit to Anthrocon but had really begun culminating over the past week or so - I found myself once again checking my art sites constantly for notifications and pestering several people for attention, to include unhealthily starting streams in various servers and letting myself become upset when few to no people would join, despite me starting the streams at odd hours with no warning at all, and disregarding the status of others who may have been busy or otherwise preoccupied, if they were even online at the time. And my frustration led me to unfairly lash out at a few people I love.
Yes, there are explanations for my behavior, but none of it is an excuse for the way I acted. I need to acknowledge my mistakes so I can learn from them and ensure they do not happen again.
I am mitigating this factor by sharply cutting back on my social media presence and limiting my time spent online. Instead, I am working on personal projects, solo gaming, watching videos, etc - Things I don't need engagement to enjoy. Yes, the withdrawal from interaction and engagement sucks, but it's necessary to help keep myself steady and stable. And it had become unhealthy for me to continue as I was, so something needed done.
I am getting better while working on myself. I hope to be back to my usual self sooner than later.
A big part of it was seeing sadness regarding the deceased artist I've referenced a few times - Their birthday was the 25th, and their family and friends had a celebration of their life - I did not attend, as even if I felt I could handle it, it was too far away for me to reasonably visit. But I did see several of their close friends posting tributes, in memoriam musings, memories, and other such things that are natural to grieving and mourning - But it was a bit too much for me, and I overloaded again.
I am fighting this by stepping away from the server in which they were active and their friends were talking the most about the subject, at least until the general mood stabilizes. I wish everyone all the best, but I can't be there while it's all going on - It's not healthy for me.
Another big factor was having to finish my trip to visit a friend, and getting the general post-vacation blues. This, sadly, I cannot mitigate outside of just letting time pass.
But the biggest factor, and one related to the other two, was I had fallen into a state of addiction to social media and engagement once again. This had started around my visit to Anthrocon but had really begun culminating over the past week or so - I found myself once again checking my art sites constantly for notifications and pestering several people for attention, to include unhealthily starting streams in various servers and letting myself become upset when few to no people would join, despite me starting the streams at odd hours with no warning at all, and disregarding the status of others who may have been busy or otherwise preoccupied, if they were even online at the time. And my frustration led me to unfairly lash out at a few people I love.
Yes, there are explanations for my behavior, but none of it is an excuse for the way I acted. I need to acknowledge my mistakes so I can learn from them and ensure they do not happen again.
I am mitigating this factor by sharply cutting back on my social media presence and limiting my time spent online. Instead, I am working on personal projects, solo gaming, watching videos, etc - Things I don't need engagement to enjoy. Yes, the withdrawal from interaction and engagement sucks, but it's necessary to help keep myself steady and stable. And it had become unhealthy for me to continue as I was, so something needed done.
I am getting better while working on myself. I hope to be back to my usual self sooner than later.
But for real. Take care of yourself! Working on yourself is a slow process and ya can't rush it after all!