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a month ago
Long time no see.
it seems prolonged absences have been a thing for me in the past few years.
I've discovered a lot about myself in the last few years including a lot in regards to my mental health and well being. For those unaware, I have suffered with chronic illness for the last 10 years making general day to day life a little more difficult than it need be. This is not so much of an issue to handle as over the years I have learnt my limits physically. What I never really learnt how to do was learn my limits mentally.
Having been on this site for 16 years, I've had a lot of people come and go in my life and a lot have left more scars than others. Mental scars.
Over time, some of these wounds have healed and I have learnt to overcome them. To grow and improve.
The last 3-4 years of my life have been the lowest I have been for a long while online, particularly due to individual people and the decreasing spaces on the internet that are both safe to post (from AI scraping) and having a social space to interact with other artists and art enthusiasts. Because of this, I have frantically switched between places to find a space where I could feel safe from individuals and be satisfied to share my art.
The only place I come back to frequently is here, but here also holds a lot of negative memories for me...
I've decided to continue posting here whilst also curating my experience a little better, as you can imagine over 16 years I'd accumulated a rather hefty list of watched users that I had never cleared out (including people who had previously abused and groomed me at a younger age).
Please bare with me whilst I carefully curate and recreate my page and space to be better accommodating and safe for myself
<3
I understand how it is regarding not learning your limits mentally regarding places and people online. As well as needing to take breaks due to bad memories and past experiences, been there.
I'm glad you've found what your limits are and are curating a place for yourself online that's comfortable and works for you! Here's to hoping you can make FA more comfortable for yourself again!
I used to love this place when I was a lot younger, but I was not wise then either and fell into a lot of issues with people both on here and irl in the fandom which really made me resent it.
Hoping that by working my way to making this space safer for me and a little less overwhelming notification wise that I can stick it out and make some new friends.
Hell yeah!