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Dad's cremation, "burial", and Jaws.
6 days ago
The last week has been very stressful for me, and it's been nearly a month since dad passed, just short of his birthday that's coming up. Got a large sum of money from life insurance though mom is spending a lot of it on repairing and renovation the old pipes and water damaged floor tiles. Also bought a new set of furniture to replace dad's hospital bed in the living room. Still can't get use to that yet.
Well last week we finally got his death certificate and gave it to the crematorium as well as some clothes to burn dad in. The next day totally pissed me off. I was expecting to see him in the casket with his eyes closed and hands on his chest like I see on tv. Instead he's in a large cardboard box, and for some damned reason not only is his eyes wide open but him mouth as well with his tongue hanging out. I don't the last time to see him having a derpy look on his face, but they told us to not touch him when I tried to close his eyes and mouth. I was going to go off on them but mom started to break down sobbing again so I kept quiet. I was hesitant of hitting the button to start the incinerator but mom stepped up to the task. Broke me heart when she pressed the button, heard the machine roar to life, and caught her as she fell to her knees. Had to come back the next day, mom was quiet the whole day, barely ate or slept. She started to cry again as we got the urn that had what was left of my dad, felt a lot heavier than I was expecting.
The week waiting for his request for his ashes to be spread out at sea was troublesome. I found out to properly bury someone at sea you need to be 3 miles out and to notify the EPA. My uncle married my moms sister who was a sailor and good friend of my dad managed to get a friend to hook us up with a boat had us scheduled to go out in a pontoon boat on Labor Day. I have no idea what a pontoon boat is until I tell my coworker what he had planned and he's had 30 years experience in the Coast Guard. He told me that taking something like that out to sea when it's storming is a horrible idea. I spent several nights trying to explain it to my family that going out to sea in a pontoon boat is a bad idea but I couldn't convince them to get something bigger. Fuck it, I can't fix stupid. Least I can do is contact the Coast Guard prior and when we sink I'll be sure to remind them I fucking told them so when we're drowning. The surprised look on my face the next morning when I find out we are apparently dropping my dads remains in a nearby lake instead of the ocean. I bring up that dad requested to be buried at sea, and find out that to my mom that oceans, rivers and lakes are pretty much the same because they're all water. I don't know if she was having a blonde moment, going senile in her old age, or just plain dumb. But I was not going to waste time trying to explain the difference to her, let her deal with dad's ghost if he decides to haunt us for not doing as he asked. He's lucky she didnt flush him down the toilet with her logic. I'd rather spend 4 hours in choppy lake waters than the sea. And good lord the water was choppy. I swear it was like hitting every single pothole on a long drive, even the captain of the boat said he's glad he wasn't out at sea because of all the white heads he was seeing on the lake. Mom asked if he couldn't just drive around them and look some of the flat water. My sailor uncle just looked at her and then asked me if dad ever taught her a thing about the sea. I told him that mom can't even figure out how to pump gas on her own, what chances are there that she'd know a damned thing about the ocean?
I spent an hour clinging to my life vest, trying to keep down breakfast as we y bounced to a deep part of the lake far from shore to say goodbye to dad. By some stroke of luck the winds calmed, the waves stopped and the clouds parted and the sun shone on us while we poured him into the water. I'm not a religious person but I took that as a good sign. Didn't last long though cause it started to rain on us afterwards. The boat captain took us to a restaurant by the docks where we stayed for the remainder. He refunded the remaining hours because it wouldn't be safe to go back out but we at least treated him to lunch since he is a friend of my uncles. Needless to say not only I don't have sea legs I don't even have lake legs. Doesn't really matter, I always try to avoid the water as much as possible. Doesn't matter what type, lake, river or ocean. And the reason being is...
We went to see the 50th anniversary of Jaws in Imax as well. Good thing I didn't see the film before we got on the boat because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten on it to begin with. To this day it's still one of the few movies that scares the shit out of me, and I grew up watching stuff no child should have been watching at the age of 5. Stuff like Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th. I oddly found slasher films hilarious. But things like Alien and The Thing, that shit was scary to me since they built the actual things as opposed to CGI these days. But Jaws always holds a special place in my heart ever since. One of my fondest memories of my dad was him telling us when he first saw it in Japan in a theater packed full of sailors and how everyone freaked out when the head popped out. And dad told me the story of the U.S.S. Indianapolis because I couldn't understand about half the things that Quint said in the movie with that accent of his. And the John Williams score for it still sends chills down my spine, especially after watching it in IMAX. I remember checking out so many books on sharks at the library and at schools, loved the trips to the aquarium and Marineland. Loved when I finally got to go through the shark tunnel at Seaworld. And I loved the shark weeks, especially the two Jackass ones. Didn't care for the Jaws sequels and imitators, though I did enjoy the ride at Universal. But the time I went snorkeling in the Bahamas and I saw that black tipped reef shark appear from the darkness out of nowhere and just ignored me as it went by. Didn't go back to the water until recently. These days I keep seeing videos on YouTube of people spinning sharks around on their noses that it's ridiculous. Almost as crazy as vids of Florida people petting alligators and calling them swamp puppies. Too much of that "Can I pet dat dawg?" energy.
Still wouldn't mind getting a chance to get in a cage or scuba with some. Maybe in the future. For now just getting ready to finally take a trip to Busch Gardens while mom gambles at the Hard Rock. Hope I don't end up with a Fabio facial.
Well last week we finally got his death certificate and gave it to the crematorium as well as some clothes to burn dad in. The next day totally pissed me off. I was expecting to see him in the casket with his eyes closed and hands on his chest like I see on tv. Instead he's in a large cardboard box, and for some damned reason not only is his eyes wide open but him mouth as well with his tongue hanging out. I don't the last time to see him having a derpy look on his face, but they told us to not touch him when I tried to close his eyes and mouth. I was going to go off on them but mom started to break down sobbing again so I kept quiet. I was hesitant of hitting the button to start the incinerator but mom stepped up to the task. Broke me heart when she pressed the button, heard the machine roar to life, and caught her as she fell to her knees. Had to come back the next day, mom was quiet the whole day, barely ate or slept. She started to cry again as we got the urn that had what was left of my dad, felt a lot heavier than I was expecting.
The week waiting for his request for his ashes to be spread out at sea was troublesome. I found out to properly bury someone at sea you need to be 3 miles out and to notify the EPA. My uncle married my moms sister who was a sailor and good friend of my dad managed to get a friend to hook us up with a boat had us scheduled to go out in a pontoon boat on Labor Day. I have no idea what a pontoon boat is until I tell my coworker what he had planned and he's had 30 years experience in the Coast Guard. He told me that taking something like that out to sea when it's storming is a horrible idea. I spent several nights trying to explain it to my family that going out to sea in a pontoon boat is a bad idea but I couldn't convince them to get something bigger. Fuck it, I can't fix stupid. Least I can do is contact the Coast Guard prior and when we sink I'll be sure to remind them I fucking told them so when we're drowning. The surprised look on my face the next morning when I find out we are apparently dropping my dads remains in a nearby lake instead of the ocean. I bring up that dad requested to be buried at sea, and find out that to my mom that oceans, rivers and lakes are pretty much the same because they're all water. I don't know if she was having a blonde moment, going senile in her old age, or just plain dumb. But I was not going to waste time trying to explain the difference to her, let her deal with dad's ghost if he decides to haunt us for not doing as he asked. He's lucky she didnt flush him down the toilet with her logic. I'd rather spend 4 hours in choppy lake waters than the sea. And good lord the water was choppy. I swear it was like hitting every single pothole on a long drive, even the captain of the boat said he's glad he wasn't out at sea because of all the white heads he was seeing on the lake. Mom asked if he couldn't just drive around them and look some of the flat water. My sailor uncle just looked at her and then asked me if dad ever taught her a thing about the sea. I told him that mom can't even figure out how to pump gas on her own, what chances are there that she'd know a damned thing about the ocean?
I spent an hour clinging to my life vest, trying to keep down breakfast as we y bounced to a deep part of the lake far from shore to say goodbye to dad. By some stroke of luck the winds calmed, the waves stopped and the clouds parted and the sun shone on us while we poured him into the water. I'm not a religious person but I took that as a good sign. Didn't last long though cause it started to rain on us afterwards. The boat captain took us to a restaurant by the docks where we stayed for the remainder. He refunded the remaining hours because it wouldn't be safe to go back out but we at least treated him to lunch since he is a friend of my uncles. Needless to say not only I don't have sea legs I don't even have lake legs. Doesn't really matter, I always try to avoid the water as much as possible. Doesn't matter what type, lake, river or ocean. And the reason being is...
We went to see the 50th anniversary of Jaws in Imax as well. Good thing I didn't see the film before we got on the boat because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have gotten on it to begin with. To this day it's still one of the few movies that scares the shit out of me, and I grew up watching stuff no child should have been watching at the age of 5. Stuff like Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th. I oddly found slasher films hilarious. But things like Alien and The Thing, that shit was scary to me since they built the actual things as opposed to CGI these days. But Jaws always holds a special place in my heart ever since. One of my fondest memories of my dad was him telling us when he first saw it in Japan in a theater packed full of sailors and how everyone freaked out when the head popped out. And dad told me the story of the U.S.S. Indianapolis because I couldn't understand about half the things that Quint said in the movie with that accent of his. And the John Williams score for it still sends chills down my spine, especially after watching it in IMAX. I remember checking out so many books on sharks at the library and at schools, loved the trips to the aquarium and Marineland. Loved when I finally got to go through the shark tunnel at Seaworld. And I loved the shark weeks, especially the two Jackass ones. Didn't care for the Jaws sequels and imitators, though I did enjoy the ride at Universal. But the time I went snorkeling in the Bahamas and I saw that black tipped reef shark appear from the darkness out of nowhere and just ignored me as it went by. Didn't go back to the water until recently. These days I keep seeing videos on YouTube of people spinning sharks around on their noses that it's ridiculous. Almost as crazy as vids of Florida people petting alligators and calling them swamp puppies. Too much of that "Can I pet dat dawg?" energy.
Still wouldn't mind getting a chance to get in a cage or scuba with some. Maybe in the future. For now just getting ready to finally take a trip to Busch Gardens while mom gambles at the Hard Rock. Hope I don't end up with a Fabio facial.
I'm sorry it's been such a trying decade for the week. and yes, that's me trying to inject a bit of humor into it. I am glad you're safe, and the bit of sunshine and calm waters I feel was a sign of good things too.
take all the time you need. Much love to you Dusty.
-- Stephen