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I want to address what happened in April this year.
2 months ago
In April, I left a huge number of groups on Telegram. Basically all the kink groups I was in, except for a couple of rubber/latex ones.
I felt utterly unwanted in all of the others.
I'm not going to kid myself - I was not a founding member of any of these kink communities - modular, multifur, oddfur, etc. But what I was, was a person who had helped foster and grow these communities on Telegram. I had volunteered to help lead these groups as an admin, to help shape the groups and keep them safe from unsavoury people.
I was unwanted.
I didn't want or expect exaltation or fawning respect. I just wanted people to care about me as a person, but I did not have even that.
Things came to a breaking point in the modular group - which I literally did create after an admin of an older group didn't want to continue. Simply enforcing the rules on banning AI art resulting in petulant complaining. I had enough.
I realised that people didn't want me around. So I left.
In the 5 months since, 2 people from these groups have messaged me. That's it. My reasons for leaving have been utterly vindicated.
Today I saw a few of the messages that were shared in the groups when I left. A couple of people shared hopes that I was doing ok - but did not actually message me. But what hurts most is that no one used my correct pronouns. Not a single person.
To make it very clear - degendering a trans person is every bit as harmful and transphobic as misgendering someone. the people of these communities need to take a long hard look at themselves and wonder why this sort of behaviour is acceptable.
Given what has happened in the last few months, I feel utterly vindicated in my decision to leave. I miss the communities I thought I had, but it has been made clear to me that I never really had them to begin with. Writing this journal feels like opening a few old wounds, but it will help me heal better. I need to say these words to let out the little bit of hurt the entire ordeal is still causing.
I don't know what's still to come from this account. I'll leave it all up for archiving, but I expect I'll be using
jaystoat for most uploads going forward.
I felt utterly unwanted in all of the others.
I'm not going to kid myself - I was not a founding member of any of these kink communities - modular, multifur, oddfur, etc. But what I was, was a person who had helped foster and grow these communities on Telegram. I had volunteered to help lead these groups as an admin, to help shape the groups and keep them safe from unsavoury people.
I was unwanted.
I didn't want or expect exaltation or fawning respect. I just wanted people to care about me as a person, but I did not have even that.
Things came to a breaking point in the modular group - which I literally did create after an admin of an older group didn't want to continue. Simply enforcing the rules on banning AI art resulting in petulant complaining. I had enough.
I realised that people didn't want me around. So I left.
In the 5 months since, 2 people from these groups have messaged me. That's it. My reasons for leaving have been utterly vindicated.
Today I saw a few of the messages that were shared in the groups when I left. A couple of people shared hopes that I was doing ok - but did not actually message me. But what hurts most is that no one used my correct pronouns. Not a single person.
To make it very clear - degendering a trans person is every bit as harmful and transphobic as misgendering someone. the people of these communities need to take a long hard look at themselves and wonder why this sort of behaviour is acceptable.
Given what has happened in the last few months, I feel utterly vindicated in my decision to leave. I miss the communities I thought I had, but it has been made clear to me that I never really had them to begin with. Writing this journal feels like opening a few old wounds, but it will help me heal better. I need to say these words to let out the little bit of hurt the entire ordeal is still causing.
I don't know what's still to come from this account. I'll leave it all up for archiving, but I expect I'll be using
jaystoat for most uploads going forward.
I have felt this, in a way, talking in groups and getting ignored, asking something and never getting a reply, but when someone else that is a friend with the owners asks the same thing then they instantly get the reply and a whole conversation forms around it. It's the reason I also left a lot of telegram groups and servers. I think in the end it's just better to be in the places you know people pay attention to you and just leave behind all those circles that don't value you. Sometimes people just want one sided relationships X) Anyways. As long as you keep your friends close, it doesn't matter if you only got a few. And I would be up for a chat any time, now that I know you've been wanting to interact more :'3