I really need to learn to stop. Yet I don't. I try too much to be social and just have it blow up in my face.

It sucks, I really hate not being social, I enjoy the contact with people but every time I try I cause problems.

Yeah I think I am done trying. In general really. Those of ya that stuck around all the time who have attempted to keep contact with me, thank you, truly. But I'm throwing in the towel. I don't wanna hunt for friends or anything deeper anymore. I just suck too much at it. I know I shouldn't let it bleed over but it has, again, I'm too much a marshmallow.

Meh I'm just going in circles now. Point is I suck too much at trying to be social and having bonds and I'll just let myself slink into darkness like I should have a lot sooner.

It's not fear, it's pain, I've tried, a ton of times, and I just kept getting my face caved in.

I'm tired boss.