I just recently got word of my grandmother having a massive stroke. We don't really know how bad it is, but my parents are flying out to West Virginia tomorrow to go see her and report back to me and my sister. My sister and I will fly out there on Monday.

We're starting to think this might be it for her. I really hope this isn't how it ends for her... but there's nothing I can do but to see her one more time and tell her I love her. It's hard for me because I don't want to look weak in front of her, I want to be there to support her in case she pulls through.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything, but it's a painful life experience when a family member dies. I kind of feel like a random person on the news saying a family member dies. No one really cares, and if they do, it's only to a certain degree.

I guess I'm just a little more drepressed because I have nothing to say to her about me making it on my own in this world. I'm unemployed, living with my parents, and to be painfully honest, starting to become lazy. I'm hoping to become an animator for video games, but I need to get my foot in the door. And that's becoming more and more difficult. I'm even having problems getting a temporary job, mainly due to not having a dedicated car, but regardless, my life is beginning a downward spiral.

It's going to be harder to get motivated to do something now that this is happening, but maybe the thought of death and having not accomplished anything will push me to do something that will get me remembered, even for a short while. I may have to go back to school to get a general degree, but I have to do SOMETHING until I get into my dream career.