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I need alts. to Bike Riding. to keep my sanity 🙏 🙇
4 weeks ago
Since a few weeks back when my back tire deflated in the middle of rising home, and how cold it's getting cold, I've basically stopped bikeriding for now.
I didnt rode my bike just for for excercise. (I know I can just walk around the back property and still get similar benefits from physical excercise). Biking gave me an outlet to just spend a few hours riding around the place, giving my brain a bit of a break to unwind and explore. I
So tl;dr: what other activities should I do? Besides just "walk around in the backyard." Would playing certain games help replicate the similar benefits of unwinding? That or...play second life or desktop mode of VR Chat and explore?
While my living situation is fine, its difficult to entirely relax. Recently, since a few weeks back when the back tire deflated and our car was taken by a repo guy, I've felt like some sort of...manchild. Unsuccessful. "Failure". It's a feeling ive been battling since ive become an adult with autism at age 18. It's slightly increased over the years when I realized I'm unlikely to get my foot in the door in the creative industry without pure luck or sucking a lot of dicks. Especially in this current economic climate. Things slightly changed and got bumpy in 2019 due to my scare when I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks.
Despite people my age experiencing similar life experiences (or lack thereof), it's hard not to blame myself, still. I know it's not my fault.however, some of it is in how I responded I'm trying to improve. Learning more about stuff like "autism inertia" and how to get myself to do things while being patient with myself. Learning how to talk and respond properly. Even more difficult: how to fuckin' talk in group VCs without making it entirely about yourself or your interest or how to ACTUALLY BE FUNNY. How to not sound so defensive by raising your voice/pitch and reframing things to prevent pointless arguments or making people think youre an asshole scumbag when youre just scared of the littlest of confrontstion ruining your experience.
I know many people care about me, even "love". This isn't a vent journal, I'm just trying to clarify things. I don't want to explain things, right now, since I NEED to sleep soon, anyhow. I just need to find other things to occupy my mind that isn't doomscrolling or just art.
It's just hard when your brain then makes up infinite counterpoints, some of which DO hold ground. Feels like I should be making more money from comissons; that I should be working alot harder to do so. At the same time, I need to finish up the backlog I owe to those whove been extremely patient.
I have a IRL friend or two who might want to hang out with me more so they might take me out once every week or three. I
I didnt rode my bike just for for excercise. (I know I can just walk around the back property and still get similar benefits from physical excercise). Biking gave me an outlet to just spend a few hours riding around the place, giving my brain a bit of a break to unwind and explore. I
So tl;dr: what other activities should I do? Besides just "walk around in the backyard." Would playing certain games help replicate the similar benefits of unwinding? That or...play second life or desktop mode of VR Chat and explore?
While my living situation is fine, its difficult to entirely relax. Recently, since a few weeks back when the back tire deflated and our car was taken by a repo guy, I've felt like some sort of...manchild. Unsuccessful. "Failure". It's a feeling ive been battling since ive become an adult with autism at age 18. It's slightly increased over the years when I realized I'm unlikely to get my foot in the door in the creative industry without pure luck or sucking a lot of dicks. Especially in this current economic climate. Things slightly changed and got bumpy in 2019 due to my scare when I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks.
Despite people my age experiencing similar life experiences (or lack thereof), it's hard not to blame myself, still. I know it's not my fault.however, some of it is in how I responded I'm trying to improve. Learning more about stuff like "autism inertia" and how to get myself to do things while being patient with myself. Learning how to talk and respond properly. Even more difficult: how to fuckin' talk in group VCs without making it entirely about yourself or your interest or how to ACTUALLY BE FUNNY. How to not sound so defensive by raising your voice/pitch and reframing things to prevent pointless arguments or making people think youre an asshole scumbag when youre just scared of the littlest of confrontstion ruining your experience.
I know many people care about me, even "love". This isn't a vent journal, I'm just trying to clarify things. I don't want to explain things, right now, since I NEED to sleep soon, anyhow. I just need to find other things to occupy my mind that isn't doomscrolling or just art.
It's just hard when your brain then makes up infinite counterpoints, some of which DO hold ground. Feels like I should be making more money from comissons; that I should be working alot harder to do so. At the same time, I need to finish up the backlog I owe to those whove been extremely patient.
I have a IRL friend or two who might want to hang out with me more so they might take me out once every week or three. I
That and I literally live 12+ miles from a local skate park. :,)