long story short things just keep getting worse and have gotten so miserable i just can't do this anymore
so i'm throwing in the towel pretty soon
what does that entail? i'm not sure yet myself but i've been wanting to shut all of my socials down for awhile
my overall health has deteriorated so much that commissions are the only way i can support myself but i can't even do that much reliably
i've become so unreliable when it comes to art that i can't even draw my own comfort characters anymore
for some reason i had some hope that i'd be able to stick it out long enough for me to get it together but after having my will broken too many times i just don't see the point in pretending that i'm going to recover anytime soon

maybe i'll make another journal explaining some stuff or maybe i'll just disappear entirely
i'm at the point where i just don't want to give a damn anymore
i'm tired of letting people down i'm tired of being so dysfunctional i'm just so fucking tired of it all

regardless of what happens next just know that i'll be forever grateful to this community for supporting me all those years ago and up til now
i wish i could just be normal and draw so many things for my friends, for people i admire, for anyone who's been nice to me really i loved making people happy with art i wish i could've repaid the favour
but nah it's pretty obvious that i'm simply not capable of being the kind of artist i need or want to be

thank you and goodbye for now