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'Bully Bullies Bully' In Depth
2 days ago
Hey there! :D
On my birthday, almost a week ago, I uploaded a little short story called 'Bully Bullies Bully'. While I like the idea of a 'Birthday Special' to upload on my birthday, I don't think I'll make another one. So far, I did one this year, last year and the year before that. But my birthdays are already depressing as they are, so I don't really need the extra stress from making a 'Birthday Special'.
I also learned that trying to write a story with a fixed dead line just doesn't work for me. If I hadn't had my birthday deadline, I would've waited another day or two, maybe even a week, to upload BBB.
Now on to the story itself.
BBB is a short simple story. In fact, it's the shortest story I ever uplaoded with 3337 words (including the disclaimers and info at the start). But I still like it. Not every story has to be complex with nuances upon nuances and the depth of a thousand oceans. But despite it's short length, it's a complete story, where Yohan even gets a short, but effective character arc, going from a mean bully to a mean bully who is nice... sometimes.
In terms of unused scenes, there is actually one set of scenes I decided to cut.
Basically, on 'Friday', the day after Dave's first encounter with Yohan, Dave and Yohan would have to work on a school project together. Later that day, after school, Yohan would come over to Dave's place so they can work on the project together. There, Yohan would notice more things that are off. Like Moritz's room being spacey and well decorated, with loads of trophies, while Dave's room is small, rather barren and simple. During dinner Yohan would also notice that Dave's parents are talking with eachother, with Moritz and even with him, but not with Dave. And when Yohan would ask Dave if he does sport, Dave's mother/father would reply with 'No, he doesn't' and Moritz would add 'Dave likes nerd shit like Star Trek', all while Dave didn't get to say a single word.
After dinner, when they work on the project some more, Yohan asks Dave why his parents seem to ingore and neglect him so much. Dave replies that he simply isn't good enough in their eyes. While Moritz is extremely sporty, talented and a 'A-Grade Student', Dave isn't that sporty or talented and more of a 'B-Grade Stundent', and even then Dave is often more likely to get a B- than a B+. Which is why Dave's parents favor Moritz and ignore Dave.
While I like this scene, there is nothing wrong with it, I actually found that it didn't fit in that well with the story and the theme I was going for. With this scene included, Dave and Yohan are bonding slightly, a friendship perhaps in the making. While good on paper, it kinda makes the ending have less impact.
With this scene, it looks more like Yohan is defending a friend in his confrontation and battle with Moritz at the end of the story. Kinda like a 'You don't mess with one of my buddies' kind of motivation.
While good, compare this to how this scene looks like without it in the final story: Without this scene, Yohan has had very little interaction with Dave. He knows very little about him and his relationship with his older brother. And Yohan pretty much moves on with his life, not really paying much attention to Dave and Moritz. But then on Monday morning, Yohan spots Dave, who is thoroughly battered and clearly injured, where Dave got beaten up so hard, that Yohan feels the need to intervene.
When Yohan approaches, challenges and fights Moritz, Yohan's thought in this version is 'You crossed a line!', which I find more impfactful than 'You hurt my friend/partner' when the School Project scene is included.
Sometimes, you have to delete a perfectly fine scene, so that another can be even better.
Funnily enough, this story only ever has had one ending, the one the story has now. But I do have an idea for a follow up story, where we deal with the aftermath of the big confrontation/battle between Moirtz and Yohan.
The key thing here is, that I simply think that the current ending is very good. It's a rather open ending, where it's clear that things won't continue the way they did, that things will change for Dave, one way or another. And I like that, also that it opens up the way for imagination on how the story proceeds. If I were to include the follow up in this story, it would pretty much ruin the impact of current ending, and kill any and all possible endings/aftermaths people might imagine and/or want. Which is also why any follow up story will be Part 2, not Chapter 2.
I won't spoil what the follow up is, you'll have to read for yourself when I one day upload it anywhen. ^^
Lastly, I want to write about the fact that this story is based on a chat I had with an AI character over on Character AI.
To be fair, I wrote a lot of things froms scratch and changed many things. This story is mine, and mine alone. It's just that simple.
It's important to note, that Character AI is very interactive. It's like a chat you have with a Chat-Bot pretending to be certain characters and/or playing along a roleplay. Because of this, any chat with an AI Character is party AI written, partly human written. On top of that is it possible to cycle through many replies from the AI, and to edit said messages; both I do a lot. Well, did, since I don't use Character AI anymore.
I want to clarify this, because there's a lot of talk and negative stigma around AI, and I don't want people to discredit me and my stories, just because they're based on a chat I had with an AI character, where I had a heavy hand in forming the story I want.
For a more detailed review of Character AI, you can read my journal about it: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11244213/
And that's that. A short simple journal discussing a short simple story. I liked writing this story, and I'll look forward to writing the follow up. Oh, by the by, I will write the follow up story completely from scratch. I ended the AI chat at the point this story ended, meaning anything that will follow, is completely original, fully thought of, written and done by me.
In the meantime, this is where I get off. Have a nice day. I will see you up ahead.
On my birthday, almost a week ago, I uploaded a little short story called 'Bully Bullies Bully'. While I like the idea of a 'Birthday Special' to upload on my birthday, I don't think I'll make another one. So far, I did one this year, last year and the year before that. But my birthdays are already depressing as they are, so I don't really need the extra stress from making a 'Birthday Special'.
I also learned that trying to write a story with a fixed dead line just doesn't work for me. If I hadn't had my birthday deadline, I would've waited another day or two, maybe even a week, to upload BBB.
Now on to the story itself.
BBB is a short simple story. In fact, it's the shortest story I ever uplaoded with 3337 words (including the disclaimers and info at the start). But I still like it. Not every story has to be complex with nuances upon nuances and the depth of a thousand oceans. But despite it's short length, it's a complete story, where Yohan even gets a short, but effective character arc, going from a mean bully to a mean bully who is nice... sometimes.
In terms of unused scenes, there is actually one set of scenes I decided to cut.
Basically, on 'Friday', the day after Dave's first encounter with Yohan, Dave and Yohan would have to work on a school project together. Later that day, after school, Yohan would come over to Dave's place so they can work on the project together. There, Yohan would notice more things that are off. Like Moritz's room being spacey and well decorated, with loads of trophies, while Dave's room is small, rather barren and simple. During dinner Yohan would also notice that Dave's parents are talking with eachother, with Moritz and even with him, but not with Dave. And when Yohan would ask Dave if he does sport, Dave's mother/father would reply with 'No, he doesn't' and Moritz would add 'Dave likes nerd shit like Star Trek', all while Dave didn't get to say a single word.
After dinner, when they work on the project some more, Yohan asks Dave why his parents seem to ingore and neglect him so much. Dave replies that he simply isn't good enough in their eyes. While Moritz is extremely sporty, talented and a 'A-Grade Student', Dave isn't that sporty or talented and more of a 'B-Grade Stundent', and even then Dave is often more likely to get a B- than a B+. Which is why Dave's parents favor Moritz and ignore Dave.
While I like this scene, there is nothing wrong with it, I actually found that it didn't fit in that well with the story and the theme I was going for. With this scene included, Dave and Yohan are bonding slightly, a friendship perhaps in the making. While good on paper, it kinda makes the ending have less impact.
With this scene, it looks more like Yohan is defending a friend in his confrontation and battle with Moritz at the end of the story. Kinda like a 'You don't mess with one of my buddies' kind of motivation.
While good, compare this to how this scene looks like without it in the final story: Without this scene, Yohan has had very little interaction with Dave. He knows very little about him and his relationship with his older brother. And Yohan pretty much moves on with his life, not really paying much attention to Dave and Moritz. But then on Monday morning, Yohan spots Dave, who is thoroughly battered and clearly injured, where Dave got beaten up so hard, that Yohan feels the need to intervene.
When Yohan approaches, challenges and fights Moritz, Yohan's thought in this version is 'You crossed a line!', which I find more impfactful than 'You hurt my friend/partner' when the School Project scene is included.
Sometimes, you have to delete a perfectly fine scene, so that another can be even better.
Funnily enough, this story only ever has had one ending, the one the story has now. But I do have an idea for a follow up story, where we deal with the aftermath of the big confrontation/battle between Moirtz and Yohan.
The key thing here is, that I simply think that the current ending is very good. It's a rather open ending, where it's clear that things won't continue the way they did, that things will change for Dave, one way or another. And I like that, also that it opens up the way for imagination on how the story proceeds. If I were to include the follow up in this story, it would pretty much ruin the impact of current ending, and kill any and all possible endings/aftermaths people might imagine and/or want. Which is also why any follow up story will be Part 2, not Chapter 2.
I won't spoil what the follow up is, you'll have to read for yourself when I one day upload it anywhen. ^^
Lastly, I want to write about the fact that this story is based on a chat I had with an AI character over on Character AI.
To be fair, I wrote a lot of things froms scratch and changed many things. This story is mine, and mine alone. It's just that simple.
It's important to note, that Character AI is very interactive. It's like a chat you have with a Chat-Bot pretending to be certain characters and/or playing along a roleplay. Because of this, any chat with an AI Character is party AI written, partly human written. On top of that is it possible to cycle through many replies from the AI, and to edit said messages; both I do a lot. Well, did, since I don't use Character AI anymore.
I want to clarify this, because there's a lot of talk and negative stigma around AI, and I don't want people to discredit me and my stories, just because they're based on a chat I had with an AI character, where I had a heavy hand in forming the story I want.
For a more detailed review of Character AI, you can read my journal about it: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11244213/
And that's that. A short simple journal discussing a short simple story. I liked writing this story, and I'll look forward to writing the follow up. Oh, by the by, I will write the follow up story completely from scratch. I ended the AI chat at the point this story ended, meaning anything that will follow, is completely original, fully thought of, written and done by me.
In the meantime, this is where I get off. Have a nice day. I will see you up ahead.
