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< not dead >
2 months ago
General
[Check the end for TLDR]
On personal matters/where I've been:
............hello!
It has been... Quite a While. since I've last posted anything anywhere, or has shown any signs of online activity.
Many of my kind-hearted friends and followers have expressed concern over my well-being over these last couple of years, thinking the worst might've happened to me. I'm touched by that concern, and I'm grateful to have people out there worrying about me from all around the world, it's really humbling to be on the receiving end of that.
However, I have to quell some of the fears right away and say that nothing particularly terrible has happened to me, and I am currently alive and healthy!
I haven't been 100% good all of the time, and my absence was related to that fact, BUT 1) it still wasn't as catastrophic as some may have imagined, and 2) as of right now I am generally doing much, much better.
I don't think it's going to be of interest to many people to read a novel about why exactly I've left the internet for such a long time, but in short, it was a fairly typical (for an artist) moment of very strained mental health clashing with high-stress IRL conditions at the time. At some point in 2023 I stopped being able to face people (and the online space) as everything became "too much" for me, between interpersonal issues, a new and highly demanding job, a very important project that had to be worked on during evenings every day after said job, and a long queue of unfinished commissions.
I took a coward's way out and abruptly stopped logging into my socials or my online pages and isolated myself, trying to focus on just real life happenings for a while because that felt like the only thing that I could handle. Then the while kept going for a lot longer because I started to like the isolation, and, well, here we are in 2025 (soon 2026!)...
A lot has happened in my life since 2023, but also not a lot, in a way.
I have worked my IRL job, and focused on offline life for a long time, establishing a steady routine; I have made income and successfully dealt with debilitating debts that were weighing me down since around 2020; I have made offline friends and experienced some travel; I have... not drawn as much as I would've wanted, admittedly. But I still did some of that, too. I have made occasional progress on the still unfinished commissions whenever my mental health allowed for it. I have developed and lost interest in various new fandoms. Finally, this last year I got busy bettering my physical and mental health - developing better habits, doing and actually enjoying exercise, reversing my worrying prediabetic condition... Still could use some better sleep habits, though! There's never enough sleep.
Life is good now, generally speaking. At the very least, it's much better for me that it was a couple of years ago, and I'm more often hopeful for the future these days than I'm not, despite everything that's happened in the world and is still happening.
So that's where I've been. If you've read this whole thing, if you've at any point were concerned about me or extended kind words through notes, Discord or email, - thank you! And I'm sorry for making you worry. I regret not having the strength to give a warning or write up a note about leaving for an extended period of time, but what's done is done.
On commissions:
One of my most difficult mental blocks that prevented me from showing my face online sooner, as well as from drawing things "for myself", have been the unfinished status of my last batch of commissions from 2022-2023. As overly-dramatic as that may sound to some, I felt immense shame as an artist and as a person for not completing my work in a reasonable amount of time, even if a commissioner assured me they were not in a hurry. That shame made me to not want to face them even (especially) to give notice about my absence, and the longer I wouldn't communicate the more guilt accumulated on top of that, making it a stupid snowball cycle of guilt and shame that I couldn't get out of for a long time.
This is an entirely self-inflicted problem stemming from my own personal issues, and no one other than myself was responsible for the way I'd dealt with it. Which was, poorly. I'd avoided communication and worked on whatever I could one thing a time without asking for input because no matter what, I at least wanted to fulfill my promises of work so that maybe the rest of my poor behavior could be absolved.
Despite everything, as of right now I can finally say that I am 99% free of any old debts or other obligations, with only a couple of things left to do (and I'm fairly confident I can finish them up very soon now).
I'm sorry to my friends and commissioners for poor communication and for making them wait a terribly long amount of time to receive anything - work or message - from me.
The very few people that I still haven't contacted about unfinished work can expect a message from me in the near future!
I've decided that I am never again going to take on more commissions than I can really handle. I won't return to being a fully freelance artist, the way I was before, either. The anxiety of working this way is simply not worth it for me, and I don't trust myself to be organized enough to maintain a full-time freelance existence, and so from now on if I return to commission work, it will always be something to do beside a 'regular' job.
I don't plan on changing my prices.
On the future:
I'm looking forward to sharing my art with you again. But even more than that, I'm looking forward to trying to create things that are entirely of interest to me. It has been a long time since I felt free and creative enough to make something that I'm personally happy with, and since I'm in a better, healthier mental space nowadays, I'd like to get into drawing as a beloved hobby again.
I hope that if you choose to stick around you like whatever comes next!
On recent developments:
The future of art as a profession, all aspects of it, is not looking especially bright at this moment in time. Which is why I'm more determined than ever before in staying true to myself and my principles.
I have never, or will ever, at any point in my creative process, use generative AI in my art. I'm an artist because I love the process from start to finish, and I will keep handling even the most unfun or difficult parts of drawing entirely by myself until the day I die.
If GenAI has haters, I am one of them. If GenAI has one hater, that hater is me. If GenAI has no haters, it means I'm no longer alive.
TLDR:
+ I was away because bad mental health and stress, but nothing catastrophic happened. I'm much better now (really).
+ Almost all commission debts are dealt with. Will start posting again, maybe will start doing commissions again in the future, if people want. Not changing my old prices.
+ Will post art again.
+ Fuck GenAI.
Thank you for reading!
Wishing everyone who celebrates anything (or just has time off) pleasant holidays!
On personal matters/where I've been:
............hello!
It has been... Quite a While. since I've last posted anything anywhere, or has shown any signs of online activity.
Many of my kind-hearted friends and followers have expressed concern over my well-being over these last couple of years, thinking the worst might've happened to me. I'm touched by that concern, and I'm grateful to have people out there worrying about me from all around the world, it's really humbling to be on the receiving end of that.
However, I have to quell some of the fears right away and say that nothing particularly terrible has happened to me, and I am currently alive and healthy!
I haven't been 100% good all of the time, and my absence was related to that fact, BUT 1) it still wasn't as catastrophic as some may have imagined, and 2) as of right now I am generally doing much, much better.
I don't think it's going to be of interest to many people to read a novel about why exactly I've left the internet for such a long time, but in short, it was a fairly typical (for an artist) moment of very strained mental health clashing with high-stress IRL conditions at the time. At some point in 2023 I stopped being able to face people (and the online space) as everything became "too much" for me, between interpersonal issues, a new and highly demanding job, a very important project that had to be worked on during evenings every day after said job, and a long queue of unfinished commissions.
I took a coward's way out and abruptly stopped logging into my socials or my online pages and isolated myself, trying to focus on just real life happenings for a while because that felt like the only thing that I could handle. Then the while kept going for a lot longer because I started to like the isolation, and, well, here we are in 2025 (soon 2026!)...
A lot has happened in my life since 2023, but also not a lot, in a way.
I have worked my IRL job, and focused on offline life for a long time, establishing a steady routine; I have made income and successfully dealt with debilitating debts that were weighing me down since around 2020; I have made offline friends and experienced some travel; I have... not drawn as much as I would've wanted, admittedly. But I still did some of that, too. I have made occasional progress on the still unfinished commissions whenever my mental health allowed for it. I have developed and lost interest in various new fandoms. Finally, this last year I got busy bettering my physical and mental health - developing better habits, doing and actually enjoying exercise, reversing my worrying prediabetic condition... Still could use some better sleep habits, though! There's never enough sleep.
Life is good now, generally speaking. At the very least, it's much better for me that it was a couple of years ago, and I'm more often hopeful for the future these days than I'm not, despite everything that's happened in the world and is still happening.
So that's where I've been. If you've read this whole thing, if you've at any point were concerned about me or extended kind words through notes, Discord or email, - thank you! And I'm sorry for making you worry. I regret not having the strength to give a warning or write up a note about leaving for an extended period of time, but what's done is done.
On commissions:
One of my most difficult mental blocks that prevented me from showing my face online sooner, as well as from drawing things "for myself", have been the unfinished status of my last batch of commissions from 2022-2023. As overly-dramatic as that may sound to some, I felt immense shame as an artist and as a person for not completing my work in a reasonable amount of time, even if a commissioner assured me they were not in a hurry. That shame made me to not want to face them even (especially) to give notice about my absence, and the longer I wouldn't communicate the more guilt accumulated on top of that, making it a stupid snowball cycle of guilt and shame that I couldn't get out of for a long time.
This is an entirely self-inflicted problem stemming from my own personal issues, and no one other than myself was responsible for the way I'd dealt with it. Which was, poorly. I'd avoided communication and worked on whatever I could one thing a time without asking for input because no matter what, I at least wanted to fulfill my promises of work so that maybe the rest of my poor behavior could be absolved.
Despite everything, as of right now I can finally say that I am 99% free of any old debts or other obligations, with only a couple of things left to do (and I'm fairly confident I can finish them up very soon now).
I'm sorry to my friends and commissioners for poor communication and for making them wait a terribly long amount of time to receive anything - work or message - from me.
The very few people that I still haven't contacted about unfinished work can expect a message from me in the near future!
I've decided that I am never again going to take on more commissions than I can really handle. I won't return to being a fully freelance artist, the way I was before, either. The anxiety of working this way is simply not worth it for me, and I don't trust myself to be organized enough to maintain a full-time freelance existence, and so from now on if I return to commission work, it will always be something to do beside a 'regular' job.
I don't plan on changing my prices.
On the future:
I'm looking forward to sharing my art with you again. But even more than that, I'm looking forward to trying to create things that are entirely of interest to me. It has been a long time since I felt free and creative enough to make something that I'm personally happy with, and since I'm in a better, healthier mental space nowadays, I'd like to get into drawing as a beloved hobby again.
I hope that if you choose to stick around you like whatever comes next!
On recent developments:
The future of art as a profession, all aspects of it, is not looking especially bright at this moment in time. Which is why I'm more determined than ever before in staying true to myself and my principles.
I have never, or will ever, at any point in my creative process, use generative AI in my art. I'm an artist because I love the process from start to finish, and I will keep handling even the most unfun or difficult parts of drawing entirely by myself until the day I die.
If GenAI has haters, I am one of them. If GenAI has one hater, that hater is me. If GenAI has no haters, it means I'm no longer alive.
TLDR:
+ I was away because bad mental health and stress, but nothing catastrophic happened. I'm much better now (really).
+ Almost all commission debts are dealt with. Will start posting again, maybe will start doing commissions again in the future, if people want. Not changing my old prices.
+ Will post art again.
+ Fuck GenAI.
Thank you for reading!
Wishing everyone who celebrates anything (or just has time off) pleasant holidays!
Can't put enough zeroes at the end of how much of a percent I agree with you on the "Fuck GenAI bit", I've always enjoyed the way you sketch stuff out and that's the kind of human soul and effort that the environment-torching plagiarism machine could never even try to replicate. We can be haters together until the bitter end.
Looking forward to seeing more art attached to your long-winded username. One of my favourites I've seen out there on the internet!
Thank you for stopping by and giving this long journal a read! I'm happy to know you like my sketch stuff, because some of the sketches I did for you long ago are still among my favorites :')
Take care!!!
I'm glad that you're okay, healthy and hopefully happy. It's good to see you back and I look forward to seeing all the creations you get up to~
I hope you have an awesome Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Thank you for being here, I appreciate you taking your time to leave a message, and I wish you only the best this holiday season too! ❤️
If you do start doing commissions again in the future, count me interested in more!
In any case, thank you for being here!! :]
I always enjoy working on your commissions, so it would be good to draw something for you again one day
Keep up the good work taking care of yourself, you deserve to feel better and be able to do what you enjoy! Thanks for the update as well--again, I was worried! But I also figured that you had much more pressing matters to deal with than anything to be found on the internet. ヽ(*￣▽￣*)ノ 'Real life' always comes first, no matter what!
Primed and ready to work on things, and hopefully post more often! (even once every 6 months would be more often than the the 2 year gap I had tbh, gkhhhh)
Hoping you are doing alright yourself!!! ❤️❤️❤️
And I'm happy to see you here, EchoChips, thank you for stopping by! ;w;
At the end of the day you've owned up to your mistakes and worked on yourself. That is important! I look forward to seeing your work again, and commissioning you once youre ready to take on more projects again.
As for fuck GenAI, well, I dont think many will disagree with you there.
Once again, glad that you are back and doing better. Here is to a better new year!!
Thank you so much!!!
I'm ready to work on making the upcoming year a good year, but I hope we'll all be just a little luckier in whatever we set out to do so it goes smoother~
To a better new year! ❤️
Edit: not an exaggeration
I'm happy to hear that the work we did with you is remembered fondly though! I especially loved working on Mephia~
And, I also hope that I can carve out more time to do interesting things in the future! Some things that I'd like to draw are definitely outside of what I'd shown here before, but I hope people will enjoy them regardless :]
Thank you for being here!!