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End of the year: 2025
3 months ago
General
The end to another year has come.
2025 has…well, it sucked ass. While I'm sure everyone has their own stories and things affected by various events throughout the year; I have my own that aren't as bad as others but still sucked. For one, the overseas item and mail crap has been stressful to plan around. It'd be nice to have at least one nice thing in adult life. Dakis printed because nobody over here does that sort of thing, namely. And even if they did; the material quality and willingness to print some of the things I want would be a hassle. But we can't have that done overseas that easy because…y'know…pissing matches.
My PC died in October so that was an end of the year expense that couldn't wait. I was lucky to get everything together before prices got even worse, which was lucky, if anything.
There's also the porn ban rumblings. It sure would suck to have an entire profile, incoming comms and everything blocked just because some folks in power gotta make shit even worse while not trying to go after the actual harmful stuff.
There has also been some subtle changes relating only for me. I’ve been a bit scaled back my interactions with people. Ever since the episodes of depression at the beginning of the year, thinking my connections with folks were coming to an end, I’ve slowly been trying to accept the idea of not being around for every little thing. Voice calls, stream chats, ect. It kinda hurts. The idea of feeling like your connection with folks is slowly drifting away and the bouts of loneliness that comes with it. But you hear this everywhere online. People just stop showing up, are busy with life, decide to distance themselves. It sucks but I ain’t the first to feel that way or have happened to them and I doubt I’ll be the last. I just need to come to terms with that feeling and just enjoy things while they last.
Granted, I have done stuff for some folks. Sending things I think they'd find useful I don't need anymore, some things to perk up a friend who's going through a rough patch. So being written off by them says a lot more of their character than mine, maybe.
This might be a little tangent-y so how about I put everything in categories? Folks love categories.
Commissioning.
So you might know me by now as a guy who commissions around a lot. Someone who’s gotten their fingers into the skinsuit community everywhere in terms of art.
Not enough to make it onto a group wall of masks of notable characters apparently but I digress :v
It’s my bread and butter and for obvious reason; I like the fetish. The characters, the potential reveals. I love doing the stuff. But it’s also kind of a pain in the ass in some parts.
Finding artists who can pull off the stuff, sorting ideas that I want to actually put money to and the feeling that I’m competing with other “commission pigs” as it were. The feeling of seeing someone who has commissioned a hot sequence or pic and feeling seeing folks gush at it. Thinking, “I wish people would fanboy about Billie like folks do for them!”
Guess I should have been a pokemon or sonic character instead of a dumb pig, huh?
Yeah, I know jealousy is stupid. And I’m sure there are others who feel the same about me. I'm also just starting to hate the commission game after 5 years of playing it. Partly because I feel like shit after investing so much effort into getting everything together for an idea just to be shot down by the artist with no feedback as to why. There’s other factors too. Finding artists who will actually work, dealing with some who deliver on time and others who stagnate after payment is sent. Having artists who will take my comm, not give me any updates then leave me to find out on my own that the commission was cancelled and that I'll eventually get my money back via a refund. Maybe.
Ignore whoever tells you not to use PayPal goods and services. It covers your ass from shit like this if you legit need to do a chargeback. Everyone is scamming everyone these days between sneaky blokes using AI to pass off commissioned work skills to artists being 1 year into a paid comm without even a sketch to show for it.
5 years has made me sick of the pay first and maybe you'll get your piece before the sun explodes. I don't care what the cope is, it's a practice that I feel has to change or others will find a way to ensure it does or embrace other means. I understand for folks getting rugpulled by bad actors but when it's someone who's got a footprint like me and doesn't want to burn bridges if I bail; it sucks to get scammed out of a comm just because one side gets covered fully. That side not being me.
Wanna know why I work with the same few artists for my comms? Because I don't need to worry about them taking off with my money. One artist from last year ghosted me and now their accounts are gone and they won't answer emails. Another artist cancelled after 3 months of no updates and might refund me when they get the chance…on a 160 dollar commission :v
Not to mention…a few folks I do know who have been quiet about updates. Do I ask them or do I just stew my frustrations in the hopes they don't freak out and just cancel everything? Or some who I think count as my friend but when does working with a friend have you too afraid to message them asking, "Hey, remember that thing I paid you for? What happened to that?"
Lighter note: I do have ideas I want to pursue. I want to get something Snatcher related with Billie sometime but as an art piece I intend to print out like a poster. Like the Billie “the Star” piece I got from AltArt a few years ago. Or a new logo I can get personal use stickers with. Billie drawn like the old school foxhound logo from the MSX era Metal Gear games, holding a skinsuit in one hand and a mask in the other? That idea is gonna be a nightmare to find just the right artist to do the style but I think I'd be kickass!
I might just start dialing back the commissioned art all together next year. Focus on getting financially stable instead of playing the rat race of making sure my pig gets praise. I want to think of ideas that are more “evergreen”. Shit that someone will go back to pop off to every now and again. I got a few pics I feel that way with. The Ace and Billie magic show by Koabao was really good. And one of the few Billie as a suit pieces. I should do more. That’s partially why Billy [the human male] exists. As a non offensive way for me to get some Billie suit stuff done.
Creative endeavors
This doesn’t include the video. I’ll get to that after. I’ve tried to get back into writing. A few I've posted and some I'm screwing around with. I know that the stories I make have little reach in the skinsuit community compared to pictures. But sometimes it’s good to read or come back to a good story. The sleepover story hosted on Koabao’s FA is a good example. A bit…crass[?] toward the unsuiting part but extremely descriptive and totally works if you're in the mood for something kinky. Same for the Xssentially Xtreme Xmas on deeannadeeann’s page
If a story hits, the parts where your mind fills in the visual blanks can be a nice change of pace from images.
We'll see if I can produce more. I got some ideas. Some kinky ones, some suspenseful, maybe a horror one or two.
The video project that won’t die
So…I’ve mentioned the Changeling Tale video before. The on again, off again endeavor that consumes my free-time. Two parts are done. I just have two more parts to go. But I’m in a slump. For one reason or another. And that slump just makes me want to re-evaluate how I want to do it or just not bother with it at all.
I feel that my approach to it is suboptimal to my desire to do other things. I feel like I should work on it but when? In my downtime? But I want to do other things. Play games, do OTHER things. But no, I need to make some headway work on the video. I’m tired of it.
For clarity; Jessie’s path is the current section I’m working on. The idea was for a big long dive into her story, why I don’t like her endings, defense on how I feel things play out with her father and why they suck ass, ect.
It’s a long ass section with no real payoff. Both CT videos that have been released have gained little traction. Sure, I don’t care about numbers when youtube is a hellhole of AI slop and...well, more AI slop. But I also find it hard to care about making something this big that only the devs and my close friends may watch.
That’s bad to say but it’s just the way I feel. Who cares what I got to say? And even if I make it entertaining; that’s just more work on something where I could be spending time doing something else; ANYTHING else!
There’s also another factor that killed my motivation to work on it. Something that happened around the end of Summer. I took on another project for a video. One that while short; needed to be handled in a professional manner. Something that I have yet to do with all the video production I’ve invested time into. I needed to make something that was grand and looked like it was made by someone who knew what they were doing. It took full priority.
But things fell through.
I didn't want them stuck with an amateur who was in over his head when they had enough time to get someone who knew what the hell they were doing.
The Jessie video was put away since then. Which was August when I was asked to help and I haven't bothered to look at the project file since.
What's the plan? I dunno right now. It's hard to tell if it will even be available for sale in a few months with all the payment processor drama!
Who knows, maybe I'll have something for next year but no promises.
What's next?
Honestly I don't know. Hell, I could end up abandoning this whole thing next year. Just go back to how things were before Covid. Being alone. Maybe it's better that way? Less drama, less doom spiraling when I feel like I may have wronged someone.
Get away from the AI take over, the enshitification, the social rat race where it feels like you can be replaced just because you can't hang out all the time because you're working or feel like you gotta play the latest friendslop with folks or else you get left behind. Where people might talk behind your back because of a commission they didn't like that you got or making something for them that you pour your heart into and they come off as a weak fish. Stay away from the folks who ghost after taking an idea and your payment for the work while leaving you to wonder if they're even alive or not.
I wish I could leave this off with something hopeful for the 2026 but I don't really have anything to say. I can't say I'm hopeful. The economy is in the pisser, we got folks going mask off [and not in the cool way] trying to earn as much money before their plans go pop and nothing really feels connected in a positive way anymore.
There's always further a person can slip, sure. Anyone's situation can be worse than mine and the same applies to them.
So maybe there will be more comms. Maybe I'll make more stories. Maybe I won't be a pariah next year.
Who knows.
2025 has…well, it sucked ass. While I'm sure everyone has their own stories and things affected by various events throughout the year; I have my own that aren't as bad as others but still sucked. For one, the overseas item and mail crap has been stressful to plan around. It'd be nice to have at least one nice thing in adult life. Dakis printed because nobody over here does that sort of thing, namely. And even if they did; the material quality and willingness to print some of the things I want would be a hassle. But we can't have that done overseas that easy because…y'know…pissing matches.
My PC died in October so that was an end of the year expense that couldn't wait. I was lucky to get everything together before prices got even worse, which was lucky, if anything.
There's also the porn ban rumblings. It sure would suck to have an entire profile, incoming comms and everything blocked just because some folks in power gotta make shit even worse while not trying to go after the actual harmful stuff.
There has also been some subtle changes relating only for me. I’ve been a bit scaled back my interactions with people. Ever since the episodes of depression at the beginning of the year, thinking my connections with folks were coming to an end, I’ve slowly been trying to accept the idea of not being around for every little thing. Voice calls, stream chats, ect. It kinda hurts. The idea of feeling like your connection with folks is slowly drifting away and the bouts of loneliness that comes with it. But you hear this everywhere online. People just stop showing up, are busy with life, decide to distance themselves. It sucks but I ain’t the first to feel that way or have happened to them and I doubt I’ll be the last. I just need to come to terms with that feeling and just enjoy things while they last.
Granted, I have done stuff for some folks. Sending things I think they'd find useful I don't need anymore, some things to perk up a friend who's going through a rough patch. So being written off by them says a lot more of their character than mine, maybe.
This might be a little tangent-y so how about I put everything in categories? Folks love categories.
Commissioning.
So you might know me by now as a guy who commissions around a lot. Someone who’s gotten their fingers into the skinsuit community everywhere in terms of art.
Not enough to make it onto a group wall of masks of notable characters apparently but I digress :v
It’s my bread and butter and for obvious reason; I like the fetish. The characters, the potential reveals. I love doing the stuff. But it’s also kind of a pain in the ass in some parts.
Finding artists who can pull off the stuff, sorting ideas that I want to actually put money to and the feeling that I’m competing with other “commission pigs” as it were. The feeling of seeing someone who has commissioned a hot sequence or pic and feeling seeing folks gush at it. Thinking, “I wish people would fanboy about Billie like folks do for them!”
Guess I should have been a pokemon or sonic character instead of a dumb pig, huh?
Yeah, I know jealousy is stupid. And I’m sure there are others who feel the same about me. I'm also just starting to hate the commission game after 5 years of playing it. Partly because I feel like shit after investing so much effort into getting everything together for an idea just to be shot down by the artist with no feedback as to why. There’s other factors too. Finding artists who will actually work, dealing with some who deliver on time and others who stagnate after payment is sent. Having artists who will take my comm, not give me any updates then leave me to find out on my own that the commission was cancelled and that I'll eventually get my money back via a refund. Maybe.
Ignore whoever tells you not to use PayPal goods and services. It covers your ass from shit like this if you legit need to do a chargeback. Everyone is scamming everyone these days between sneaky blokes using AI to pass off commissioned work skills to artists being 1 year into a paid comm without even a sketch to show for it.
5 years has made me sick of the pay first and maybe you'll get your piece before the sun explodes. I don't care what the cope is, it's a practice that I feel has to change or others will find a way to ensure it does or embrace other means. I understand for folks getting rugpulled by bad actors but when it's someone who's got a footprint like me and doesn't want to burn bridges if I bail; it sucks to get scammed out of a comm just because one side gets covered fully. That side not being me.
Wanna know why I work with the same few artists for my comms? Because I don't need to worry about them taking off with my money. One artist from last year ghosted me and now their accounts are gone and they won't answer emails. Another artist cancelled after 3 months of no updates and might refund me when they get the chance…on a 160 dollar commission :v
Not to mention…a few folks I do know who have been quiet about updates. Do I ask them or do I just stew my frustrations in the hopes they don't freak out and just cancel everything? Or some who I think count as my friend but when does working with a friend have you too afraid to message them asking, "Hey, remember that thing I paid you for? What happened to that?"
Lighter note: I do have ideas I want to pursue. I want to get something Snatcher related with Billie sometime but as an art piece I intend to print out like a poster. Like the Billie “the Star” piece I got from AltArt a few years ago. Or a new logo I can get personal use stickers with. Billie drawn like the old school foxhound logo from the MSX era Metal Gear games, holding a skinsuit in one hand and a mask in the other? That idea is gonna be a nightmare to find just the right artist to do the style but I think I'd be kickass!
I might just start dialing back the commissioned art all together next year. Focus on getting financially stable instead of playing the rat race of making sure my pig gets praise. I want to think of ideas that are more “evergreen”. Shit that someone will go back to pop off to every now and again. I got a few pics I feel that way with. The Ace and Billie magic show by Koabao was really good. And one of the few Billie as a suit pieces. I should do more. That’s partially why Billy [the human male] exists. As a non offensive way for me to get some Billie suit stuff done.
Creative endeavors
This doesn’t include the video. I’ll get to that after. I’ve tried to get back into writing. A few I've posted and some I'm screwing around with. I know that the stories I make have little reach in the skinsuit community compared to pictures. But sometimes it’s good to read or come back to a good story. The sleepover story hosted on Koabao’s FA is a good example. A bit…crass[?] toward the unsuiting part but extremely descriptive and totally works if you're in the mood for something kinky. Same for the Xssentially Xtreme Xmas on deeannadeeann’s page
If a story hits, the parts where your mind fills in the visual blanks can be a nice change of pace from images.
We'll see if I can produce more. I got some ideas. Some kinky ones, some suspenseful, maybe a horror one or two.
The video project that won’t die
So…I’ve mentioned the Changeling Tale video before. The on again, off again endeavor that consumes my free-time. Two parts are done. I just have two more parts to go. But I’m in a slump. For one reason or another. And that slump just makes me want to re-evaluate how I want to do it or just not bother with it at all.
I feel that my approach to it is suboptimal to my desire to do other things. I feel like I should work on it but when? In my downtime? But I want to do other things. Play games, do OTHER things. But no, I need to make some headway work on the video. I’m tired of it.
For clarity; Jessie’s path is the current section I’m working on. The idea was for a big long dive into her story, why I don’t like her endings, defense on how I feel things play out with her father and why they suck ass, ect.
It’s a long ass section with no real payoff. Both CT videos that have been released have gained little traction. Sure, I don’t care about numbers when youtube is a hellhole of AI slop and...well, more AI slop. But I also find it hard to care about making something this big that only the devs and my close friends may watch.
That’s bad to say but it’s just the way I feel. Who cares what I got to say? And even if I make it entertaining; that’s just more work on something where I could be spending time doing something else; ANYTHING else!
There’s also another factor that killed my motivation to work on it. Something that happened around the end of Summer. I took on another project for a video. One that while short; needed to be handled in a professional manner. Something that I have yet to do with all the video production I’ve invested time into. I needed to make something that was grand and looked like it was made by someone who knew what they were doing. It took full priority.
But things fell through.
I didn't want them stuck with an amateur who was in over his head when they had enough time to get someone who knew what the hell they were doing.
The Jessie video was put away since then. Which was August when I was asked to help and I haven't bothered to look at the project file since.
What's the plan? I dunno right now. It's hard to tell if it will even be available for sale in a few months with all the payment processor drama!
Who knows, maybe I'll have something for next year but no promises.
What's next?
Honestly I don't know. Hell, I could end up abandoning this whole thing next year. Just go back to how things were before Covid. Being alone. Maybe it's better that way? Less drama, less doom spiraling when I feel like I may have wronged someone.
Get away from the AI take over, the enshitification, the social rat race where it feels like you can be replaced just because you can't hang out all the time because you're working or feel like you gotta play the latest friendslop with folks or else you get left behind. Where people might talk behind your back because of a commission they didn't like that you got or making something for them that you pour your heart into and they come off as a weak fish. Stay away from the folks who ghost after taking an idea and your payment for the work while leaving you to wonder if they're even alive or not.
I wish I could leave this off with something hopeful for the 2026 but I don't really have anything to say. I can't say I'm hopeful. The economy is in the pisser, we got folks going mask off [and not in the cool way] trying to earn as much money before their plans go pop and nothing really feels connected in a positive way anymore.
There's always further a person can slip, sure. Anyone's situation can be worse than mine and the same applies to them.
So maybe there will be more comms. Maybe I'll make more stories. Maybe I won't be a pariah next year.
Who knows.
Hang in, and fingers crossed we'll all find some things to look forward to in 2026!