Goodness, it's hard to believe a year has passed already... But, here we are! Firstly, Happy New Year, everyone! I have quite a bit of rambling and yapping I wanted to do— reflections, if you will. I apologize in advance for the length...

As a spoiler, it starts off a bit depressing, buuut it does get better! The main point I would like to make now, though, is that: We made it! We did it! There's another year to endure, but this one has to be better, so hang in there!

Reflections about the big bad 'D'

Now to dive right into it... Truthfully, this year has been a year where I’ve personally felt like I’ve lost more than I’ve gained. 2025 is, without a doubt, one of the worst years I’ve endured in a while. To try to put it into perspective a bit: each time it felt like I climbed a mountain of some stress/difficulty, there was a new and taller mountain waiting for me behind it. Especially towards the latter half of this year, I was in an incredibly bad place of mind. There was just so much going on, and everything seemed to hit at once in what felt like an endless downward spiral. And much to my utter frustration and feelings of hopelessness, various areas of my health also flared up like an undesired cherry on top.

I’ve never felt so purely out of control of my own mental state/mood and my own body. I just felt so down and exhausted all the time that it was, honestly, a bit scary! And it's never felt more lonely watching the world spin on while you're paralyzed in these terrible feelings. Though I (like many others) do suffer from depression and its usual cohorts, I’ve always prided myself on being able to push past (or even ignore) it and still function. Unfortunately, you can only lie to yourself so much. And sometimes it just doesn't work. For a long while, I battled with this heavily and tried to force myself to ignore it, but spoiler alert: yeaaah… no LOL.

Please don't ignore your brain or how you feel. And I've, also, learned a hard lesson that it's okay to not be okay. It's okay to have periods where you break down a little and aren't always on 'go'. While you can't stay there forever, it's okay, and it'll be okay. Not now, but eventually. I've learned that Depression doesn't have to be loud and all-consuming. It can be quiet. Smaller. Yet, just as hurtful and debilitating. You can have some good moments that briefly make you forget, and then it hits again, and damn, does it hurt lol. As to not ramble on longer than this probably already is, though: Depression truly sucks lmao. But it's not eternal. And that's something I've been telling myself over and over.

There are still some things going on in my mind— I'm not 100% feeling like myself even still, and I don't know when I will be. I still feel perpetually exhausted. But I won't rush it. I'll take my small victories and run with them!

I do want to thank the friends who checked in on me during these times, too, or who kept me in their thoughts. I really underestimated how much it helps, tbh. Knowing that someone cares. Knowing that you’re not alone. Knowing that people do notice when you're gone. Knowing that there's still a 'place' for you when you're able to come back. They're all reminders that you matter, even if you don't recognize it at that moment. And a nice feeling of normalcy when you feel everything but 'normal'. So, going into 2026? Please remember to check in on your friends! I'm sure they'll appreciate it more than they'll be able to say.

Self Discoveries

2025 was filled with moments of discovering little bits and pieces about myself as well, even the uncomfortable ones. Of those, I've finally managed to stop 'running' away from and openly acknowledge my orientation as someone who is in the a-spec. It’s something I’ve internally denied for a while. But, honestly? It’s been a bit freeing acknowledging it finally, rather than always denying it out of some sense of feeling I shouldn’t be/couldn’t be, or that there was just something wrong with me. 'Too damaged' or 'It's my fault', when there's no problem or fault to be had. It's just who I am. It puts a lot of things into perspective. And truthfully? It makes me a bit happier, maybe even a bit freer. Maybe I’ll eventually do an outreach journal post, since I’d love to talk with others of the asexual/aromantic community!

The Good Stuff Finally

Onto more positive notes! I'm immensely grateful to the friends I've made and maintained over this year, especially when I sooooorta went AWOL for a bit and still kinda do lmao. I'm trying to get better at juggling friendships in balance with my life. Admittedly, though, busyness mixed with an often low social battery after work makes for a jarring combination lmao. Nonetheless! You special people who have patience for me and still find enjoyment in speaking with me? Truly, you are the best, and I appreciate you immensely. ❤️ I have to say, I've improved on the social aspect since 2024 though, because my god, I was GONE more often than not LOL. Like, forget about a once every few-day replies, it'd be a solid month before people heard from me sometimes lmfao. So small victory for Dest!

I'm incredibly grateful for those who also support my account here on FA/the artwork I commission, and take an interest in my characters! They're all very important to me, and I geninuely do put a lot of effort into their stories. Thus, it makes me incredibly happy when others take a genuine interest in the ideas or lore I try to portray through their art pieces. I'm honestly shocked at how many followers this account has grown to over the past few years, and I absolutely plan to throw a raffle sometime in 2026 just as a 'thank you'!

Future Thingy and Final Notes

There are still so many things I feel the need to say, but this is long and slightly personal enough lmao. Oh! As a small aside, I'll be doing a total sort of 'profile' revamp in the coming days just to give this old, dusty place a slightly new look and some more organization. Alongside some other kinda neat things I've been working on for what feels like forever (and was a big personal goal I wanted to accomplish)!

Speaking of goals... There are some for 2026, but I honestly want to think on it a bit more. It feels a bit bad to see others with these amazing goals, and I feel like I'm a bit 'stuck' in life right now, but... everyone gets to where they need to be at their own pace. Perhaps working on building my own ambition rather than just maintaining compliance with where I currently am is something I can do! Nonetheless, yes... all the thinking, all the thoughts!

To sort of finally wrap this up! I wholly welcome 2026, and I'm hopeful it'll be better than this year has been. Despite some grim thoughts that follow me into this new year, I'm still grateful to see it nonetheless and even more so that I could do it alongside some of the amazing people I have the privilege to call my friends. 2025 may not have been our/my year, but we're not done here yet! So, let's make this New Year a great one!