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I Can't Pay Rent [My Last Call for Help]
4 days ago
General
UPDATE 2/25/26:
Everyone has been so unbelievably kind to me. Within 24 hours so many people have pitched in to help me. Because of that, I have enough to cover my rent for this month. I still do not feel like I deserve it, but... I'm trying to get my brain to accept the kindness I am given. I really, REALLY appreciate all the generosity and love that people have been sending my way. I am blown away every time and I cannot thank you enough. Every single donation, no matter how big or small, has helped tremendously. Spreading the word has helped immensely as well. I really appreciate everyone's feedback and suggestions, and I think I'm going to follow that advice. I'm going to take stock of things and look into starting a GoFundMe. I love you all so much, I really just.... I can't express my gratitude enough. Thank you. I'm not quite out of the woods yet, but I am certainly out of the worst, and most pressing issue. I will keep you all updated as things progress.
I wanted to take care of things myself. I wanted to do the YCH, then carefully take a few commissions, so I could pay my bills. I didn't want to ask anything more from y'all ever again. I hate it. I hate doing it. I feel like the worst piece of shit ever when I have to ask you for money. I do not want to do it again. I tried really hard so I wouldn't have to.
But I'm slow as shit, and I had so many physical issues, that nothing got done on schedule. My back started to act up worse than it ever has during this entire ordeal. I can't sit in my office chair anymore. Doing so hurts me. I type this from my couch, at a jank setup plugged into my TV. It hurts, and my wrists hate it, but it's better than getting nothing at all done. I'm working so hard on the YCH, but I'm so detail oriented that it takes fucking forever to finish anything. I'm a slow artist, and it hurts every aspect of what I do.
I don't have enough money for rent. I have practically no money at all, and what I do have is about to be taken.
• Today I am getting the final root canal done. I then have to get a crown, which is going to cost me about $600.
• I have to get an MRI this Friday on my lower spine and hips, which will be around $300.
• My rent is about $1400 a month, with an additional $120 in bills.
• I have to replace my office chair as soon as I can, so I have proper back support.
This one isn't as important, but I do want to mention it for full transparency: Anthrocon hotel booking is also coming up soon. Ages ago when I registered, long before this shit happened, I fucked up and got a sponsor level because I thought it would mean earlier access to hotel booking. It didn't. I obviously don't NEED to go to AC. I can just eat that cost. Rent and fuckin food is way more important. I just wanted to mention it because its another money related thing that has added to my stress levels.
I did my taxes the other day, and last year I paid about $8000 in medical bills. Most of that towards the back end where all of this started.
I have nothing left. I feel at a lower low than I ever thought possible. It hurts extra hard this time because I am SO close to getting my shit together. I have price sheets in the works, art in the pipeline, and a plan for how to do all of this in a relatively healthy way. But the insurance company started to "investigate" my case, and this postponed the payments that they are supposed to give me. I haven't been paid in a month, and if my doctors don't find out what is wrong, I could be denied and lose everything.
I'm not ok. I'm really not ok. I've never been so stressed, angry, or depressed, in my entire life. I feel insane. I'm doubting my own body's feelings because the doctors keep making me feel like I'm not hurt. They make me doubt my own pain, and I can't think straight. I feel like giving up. I want to scream and cry. I want to tear everything apart. I'm so tired, I'm so so tired.
I hate writing these journals. I hate talking about how I feel. I hate that this is my life all the damn time. I don't want to be a bummer. I don't want to annoy you with my problems. I don't want to beg, and I don't want to make what is already a stupidly dark time even darker. Shit sucks and is so hard for everyone right now. I feel like I'm being selfish for this. People have literally died and I'm complaining that my hands hurt. I don't feel like I have the right to be upset. I feel like this is all my fault. Like I should just give up, go back to work, get hurt more, then be fired. I just want to curl up and die.
I need help. I need help one last time. I'd rather die than do this again, but I have no choice. I don't want to take and take and take from this community that I love so much. It makes me so deeply upset. But I don't have a choice. I have nowhere else to turn, and I don't know what to do.
TLDR:
I can't pay my bills and I don't know what else to do. If you want to help me out, you can donate to my Ko-Fi here: https://ko-fi.com/pieman
I should start a gofundme or something but I feel such shame in all of this that I probably won't. So... for now, Ko-Fi is the best method.
I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I am trying so hard. I'm not going to give up, I'm going to keep trying to make things work, to stabilize my life. But god I am so sorry that I have to ask for help yet again. I love you all and I feel like I'm abusing my audience. I want to give back so much. I promise I'm going to try my best and I'm going to post SOMETHING very very soon, I just... god I'm so sorry... I'm going to stop typing now.
Everyone has been so unbelievably kind to me. Within 24 hours so many people have pitched in to help me. Because of that, I have enough to cover my rent for this month. I still do not feel like I deserve it, but... I'm trying to get my brain to accept the kindness I am given. I really, REALLY appreciate all the generosity and love that people have been sending my way. I am blown away every time and I cannot thank you enough. Every single donation, no matter how big or small, has helped tremendously. Spreading the word has helped immensely as well. I really appreciate everyone's feedback and suggestions, and I think I'm going to follow that advice. I'm going to take stock of things and look into starting a GoFundMe. I love you all so much, I really just.... I can't express my gratitude enough. Thank you. I'm not quite out of the woods yet, but I am certainly out of the worst, and most pressing issue. I will keep you all updated as things progress.
I wanted to take care of things myself. I wanted to do the YCH, then carefully take a few commissions, so I could pay my bills. I didn't want to ask anything more from y'all ever again. I hate it. I hate doing it. I feel like the worst piece of shit ever when I have to ask you for money. I do not want to do it again. I tried really hard so I wouldn't have to.
But I'm slow as shit, and I had so many physical issues, that nothing got done on schedule. My back started to act up worse than it ever has during this entire ordeal. I can't sit in my office chair anymore. Doing so hurts me. I type this from my couch, at a jank setup plugged into my TV. It hurts, and my wrists hate it, but it's better than getting nothing at all done. I'm working so hard on the YCH, but I'm so detail oriented that it takes fucking forever to finish anything. I'm a slow artist, and it hurts every aspect of what I do.
I don't have enough money for rent. I have practically no money at all, and what I do have is about to be taken.
• Today I am getting the final root canal done. I then have to get a crown, which is going to cost me about $600.
• I have to get an MRI this Friday on my lower spine and hips, which will be around $300.
• My rent is about $1400 a month, with an additional $120 in bills.
• I have to replace my office chair as soon as I can, so I have proper back support.
This one isn't as important, but I do want to mention it for full transparency: Anthrocon hotel booking is also coming up soon. Ages ago when I registered, long before this shit happened, I fucked up and got a sponsor level because I thought it would mean earlier access to hotel booking. It didn't. I obviously don't NEED to go to AC. I can just eat that cost. Rent and fuckin food is way more important. I just wanted to mention it because its another money related thing that has added to my stress levels.
I did my taxes the other day, and last year I paid about $8000 in medical bills. Most of that towards the back end where all of this started.
I have nothing left. I feel at a lower low than I ever thought possible. It hurts extra hard this time because I am SO close to getting my shit together. I have price sheets in the works, art in the pipeline, and a plan for how to do all of this in a relatively healthy way. But the insurance company started to "investigate" my case, and this postponed the payments that they are supposed to give me. I haven't been paid in a month, and if my doctors don't find out what is wrong, I could be denied and lose everything.
I'm not ok. I'm really not ok. I've never been so stressed, angry, or depressed, in my entire life. I feel insane. I'm doubting my own body's feelings because the doctors keep making me feel like I'm not hurt. They make me doubt my own pain, and I can't think straight. I feel like giving up. I want to scream and cry. I want to tear everything apart. I'm so tired, I'm so so tired.
I hate writing these journals. I hate talking about how I feel. I hate that this is my life all the damn time. I don't want to be a bummer. I don't want to annoy you with my problems. I don't want to beg, and I don't want to make what is already a stupidly dark time even darker. Shit sucks and is so hard for everyone right now. I feel like I'm being selfish for this. People have literally died and I'm complaining that my hands hurt. I don't feel like I have the right to be upset. I feel like this is all my fault. Like I should just give up, go back to work, get hurt more, then be fired. I just want to curl up and die.
I need help. I need help one last time. I'd rather die than do this again, but I have no choice. I don't want to take and take and take from this community that I love so much. It makes me so deeply upset. But I don't have a choice. I have nowhere else to turn, and I don't know what to do.
TLDR:
I can't pay my bills and I don't know what else to do. If you want to help me out, you can donate to my Ko-Fi here: https://ko-fi.com/pieman
I should start a gofundme or something but I feel such shame in all of this that I probably won't. So... for now, Ko-Fi is the best method.
I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I am trying so hard. I'm not going to give up, I'm going to keep trying to make things work, to stabilize my life. But god I am so sorry that I have to ask for help yet again. I love you all and I feel like I'm abusing my audience. I want to give back so much. I promise I'm going to try my best and I'm going to post SOMETHING very very soon, I just... god I'm so sorry... I'm going to stop typing now.
"What is the bravest thing you've ever said? -HELP. Asking for help isn't giving up. 'It's refusing to give up.” ― Charlie Mackesy
And yes, don't be ashamed to ask for help. If people want to help, they will. It's in their hands, and of their own free will.
Thank you Humbug, that is incredibly generous and means a lot to me.
T-true... It's hard for my brain to let me accept such things. It latches onto negative stuff like a vice, but any kind thoughts don't even register as happening. Even though I rationally know something, my brain makes me the exception.
Just remember that you eventually convinced yourself to do artwork for yourself.