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Crisis II. [TW: grieving]
a month ago
General
Ohai! ✧˖° UPD to this: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11314610
The first few days without the most energetic, mischievous little troublemakers are passing... Well, as expected, they are simply passing by. I feel wretched. I cry almost every fifteen minutes for a good half-hour at a time — by today, I’ve managed to get dehydrated because I couldn’t even eat.
More and more details are coming to light about how I was deceived. The bodies that "according to protocol" could not be cremated due to suspected rabies suddenly became eligible for cremation the moment they got scared because I called Rospotrebnadzor (the health authorities). Now that the authorities know about the "rabies" claim, the clinic’s hands are tied, and they are obligated to send the bodies for examination.
They threatened me, saying that if I called, my remaining animals would be euthanized. I called anyway, and no one is going to euthanize them — we’ve been placed under quarantine, and I’ve been sent to get vaccinations as a precaution.
They killed my animals simply because they mistook poisoning for rabies. They killed beautiful Alice, who took care of all the younger ones. Little Nut, who, when he started feeling ill, took his toy mouse into the corner with him to self-soothe, because he was just a tiny baby. They killed Odysseus, who spent a year and a half learning to trust humans again and had only recently begun making great progress, finally understanding that he was loved.
The doctor who threatened to put everyone down and kick me out because of his "protocol." The doctor who said he "didn't plan on staying late because today is a holiday." The doctor who didn't even write a medical report. The doctor who FORCED me to euthanize my wonderful little ones.
And so much more. I feel so bitter and disgusted by all of this; it’s sickening to know they were likely just poisoned and would have surely recovered. I have been wailing and sobbing for three days straight, unable to believe that the joyful chaos this trio brought into my life is gone. The house is so disgustingly quiet, and the youngest cat, who always slept in a heap with the two boys who passed, keeps carrying toys into the empty room, calling them to play as usual, not understanding why they won't come. Both of my remaining cats have started hissing and growling in their sleep — they are having nightmares.
It’s as if I’m learning to breathe all over again, picking up my pieces. I ate today for the first time in three days. I’m trying not to sink into the ground and to do at least something. Reality is slowly soaking into my consciousness, and I grieve every single aspect of my life that was so recently tied to those little guys. I will keep grieving until I can look at the toy Nut loved, or the ball Alice used to carry in her teeth, or the bed where only Odysseus ever slept, without bursting into tears.
I am beginning to realize that all of this is real.
The first few days without the most energetic, mischievous little troublemakers are passing... Well, as expected, they are simply passing by. I feel wretched. I cry almost every fifteen minutes for a good half-hour at a time — by today, I’ve managed to get dehydrated because I couldn’t even eat.
More and more details are coming to light about how I was deceived. The bodies that "according to protocol" could not be cremated due to suspected rabies suddenly became eligible for cremation the moment they got scared because I called Rospotrebnadzor (the health authorities). Now that the authorities know about the "rabies" claim, the clinic’s hands are tied, and they are obligated to send the bodies for examination.
They threatened me, saying that if I called, my remaining animals would be euthanized. I called anyway, and no one is going to euthanize them — we’ve been placed under quarantine, and I’ve been sent to get vaccinations as a precaution.
They killed my animals simply because they mistook poisoning for rabies. They killed beautiful Alice, who took care of all the younger ones. Little Nut, who, when he started feeling ill, took his toy mouse into the corner with him to self-soothe, because he was just a tiny baby. They killed Odysseus, who spent a year and a half learning to trust humans again and had only recently begun making great progress, finally understanding that he was loved.
The doctor who threatened to put everyone down and kick me out because of his "protocol." The doctor who said he "didn't plan on staying late because today is a holiday." The doctor who didn't even write a medical report. The doctor who FORCED me to euthanize my wonderful little ones.
And so much more. I feel so bitter and disgusted by all of this; it’s sickening to know they were likely just poisoned and would have surely recovered. I have been wailing and sobbing for three days straight, unable to believe that the joyful chaos this trio brought into my life is gone. The house is so disgustingly quiet, and the youngest cat, who always slept in a heap with the two boys who passed, keeps carrying toys into the empty room, calling them to play as usual, not understanding why they won't come. Both of my remaining cats have started hissing and growling in their sleep — they are having nightmares.
It’s as if I’m learning to breathe all over again, picking up my pieces. I ate today for the first time in three days. I’m trying not to sink into the ground and to do at least something. Reality is slowly soaking into my consciousness, and I grieve every single aspect of my life that was so recently tied to those little guys. I will keep grieving until I can look at the toy Nut loved, or the ball Alice used to carry in her teeth, or the bed where only Odysseus ever slept, without bursting into tears.
I am beginning to realize that all of this is real.
My heart is with you
I understand it's difficult, but you need to remember to look after yourself. You still have two lives that depend on you and likely need you now more than ever.
It'll take time for these wounds to heal, but don't let the heartlessness and cruelty of this doctor keep you from giving your cats the best lives they could ever hope for. You still have a lot of love left to give. Stay strong.
The only cruelty there will be is the cruelty I give the doctors and that goddamn organisation back. I didn't want to be the one who makes others suffer for one person's mistake, but the more I talk to them - the more I realise they are ALL in this, and they are so, so bad people. Oh I hope they will all pay and my actions will give their results.
Is there any way we can mass leave reviews for this doctor? It's disgusting.
I will soon be posting a video on another platorm that will tell my story in details in two languages, so you and others will be able to suppost me there to rise awareness no matter the country you are in. I will be posting on TT and Insta, just need to montage the video first.
This is truly draining to live through right now honestly, but I hope I can restore the truth and defend my dead little friends' honor, as well as prevent more unreasonable, unfair deaths and more unjustified grief.