It's amazing how time flows around us, so neutrally. We never really think about what we have until it's gone...and when it is gone, all we can think about is how badly we want it back. Through the times we're found needing, we associate the darkness with it, all we want is the missing thing that's not there to return once again. It's our light, and our home.

We live life through transitions, and little hopes and dreams in between. We recognize that the world still revolves, even if we're not fully apart of it's cycles. Every day goes by, and somewhere inside we still feel the same, and yet at the same time there's just something crippling deep inside that we just can't understand. There's always something missing. We can see it, even if it doesn't exist in any material plane. We have no memory of it, and yet it serves as a reminder. It's like the ultimate amnesia, with a short term memory that only lasts but for a tiny bit, then goes away as if a wound is healed... Then just as the world cycles, so do we...

I sit here, almost in tears, feeling so blessed and so cursed at the same time. I have what I have now, and I love it. However, there still looms the fact that it, too, will disappear, and I'll be spending more time waiting for it to return... I feel so close, and yet I feel so very far away at the same time. It's almost like someone is standing across a stadium, holding out their hand, and I can feel the warmth of them touching me, but at the same time they're still so far away.

I'm anticipating the next transition. It scares me so much, even if it may not truly hurt at all, or for as long as I think it will. I think I'm more scared of the empty wandering I will be doing until the transition ends...

In a sense, I don't want to go back to being dormant, and in suspended animation. I'm free for a few precious days, and then I must go to sleep again...