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***News bulletin***
16 years ago
General
Good *insert Your current daytime* Fur-ladies and Gentle-furs. This is Ron Typical speaking to You live from the "I-SUCK" studio, somewhere-west-europe. We bring you the top international news for today.
First up today - A tragic accident in the "Agent-drawing-naughty-stuff" art company. Two days ago, the company's main media transfer installation has ceased to work, which left the company unable to export their products. The source of this catastrophic failure is still unknown. The company's main engineer says "It just doen't want to do photos anymore". We have spoken with the chairman of the board. Asked about how this malefunction may last, He replied "I still don't got my university grant...". We shall inform You about the situations progress.
Next up - The super-computer still missing. Our reporter, Jane Idle is currently in "somewhere-who-cares". Jane - how does the situation looks?
Jane *war-sounds-in-the-background* - Well Ron, despite this grim incident, it's a normal day in "I-wish-i-were-somwhere-else" - the sociaty is very enthusiastic about the Winter Olimpics. The opinions about this countries chance to win are divided. Everybody here is sure that their representatives will surely take at least 100 first places. The rest of the world falls on the ground and starts laughing histericlly.
But back to the news. The last sightings of the supercomputer come from the 23rd of January, when the unit was forced to perform a general repair. Since that day it hasn't been seen by anyone. We posses only scarce information about the supercomputer being held near the capitol of "I-don't-have-an-idea", yet this weren't officialy confirmed. A search & rescue action hasn't been started yet. The official statement is "We'll still give him a week to show up. After that, we'll nuke'em, surround everyone with everything we've got, then nuke'em again, ask questions, and nuke'em again. That is a standard procedure in such situations. And no, this isn't underwear on my head - it is a highly specialistic equipement. And no, i didn't escape from a mental facility. Also, please do not pay attention to those men with nets, who are running after me all the time. Thank You".
This was Jane "Fruitcake" Idle, speaking live from "OMG-there-is-a-giant-strawberry-here".
Ron: Thank You Jane. The whole world was shocked by this horrific disappearance. Since the super-PC went MIA, the main pilot was forced to use a older version. Unable to operate the newest software, he was forced to play old D&D games, which had a terrible influence on him. Our specialist state that his N.E.R.D level has gone up approximately 37%, and his D.N.D and G.E.E.K levels about 14%. We would show You a film footage, but it was so horrifyng, twisted, and inappropriate for viewers between the age of -1 to 999 years, that our camera oparator went mad, and run away. The crew of the I-SUCK channel will miss him, and we all wish him good luck in the coming presidential election.
This is all for today. Thank You for watching us. Tune in next time, for the newest news bulletin.
This was Ron Typical, I-SUCK channel - the only channel, that suck in 110%...
And i thank You all for reading
-Maciej
First up today - A tragic accident in the "Agent-drawing-naughty-stuff" art company. Two days ago, the company's main media transfer installation has ceased to work, which left the company unable to export their products. The source of this catastrophic failure is still unknown. The company's main engineer says "It just doen't want to do photos anymore". We have spoken with the chairman of the board. Asked about how this malefunction may last, He replied "I still don't got my university grant...". We shall inform You about the situations progress.
Next up - The super-computer still missing. Our reporter, Jane Idle is currently in "somewhere-who-cares". Jane - how does the situation looks?
Jane *war-sounds-in-the-background* - Well Ron, despite this grim incident, it's a normal day in "I-wish-i-were-somwhere-else" - the sociaty is very enthusiastic about the Winter Olimpics. The opinions about this countries chance to win are divided. Everybody here is sure that their representatives will surely take at least 100 first places. The rest of the world falls on the ground and starts laughing histericlly.
But back to the news. The last sightings of the supercomputer come from the 23rd of January, when the unit was forced to perform a general repair. Since that day it hasn't been seen by anyone. We posses only scarce information about the supercomputer being held near the capitol of "I-don't-have-an-idea", yet this weren't officialy confirmed. A search & rescue action hasn't been started yet. The official statement is "We'll still give him a week to show up. After that, we'll nuke'em, surround everyone with everything we've got, then nuke'em again, ask questions, and nuke'em again. That is a standard procedure in such situations. And no, this isn't underwear on my head - it is a highly specialistic equipement. And no, i didn't escape from a mental facility. Also, please do not pay attention to those men with nets, who are running after me all the time. Thank You".
This was Jane "Fruitcake" Idle, speaking live from "OMG-there-is-a-giant-strawberry-here".
Ron: Thank You Jane. The whole world was shocked by this horrific disappearance. Since the super-PC went MIA, the main pilot was forced to use a older version. Unable to operate the newest software, he was forced to play old D&D games, which had a terrible influence on him. Our specialist state that his N.E.R.D level has gone up approximately 37%, and his D.N.D and G.E.E.K levels about 14%. We would show You a film footage, but it was so horrifyng, twisted, and inappropriate for viewers between the age of -1 to 999 years, that our camera oparator went mad, and run away. The crew of the I-SUCK channel will miss him, and we all wish him good luck in the coming presidential election.
This is all for today. Thank You for watching us. Tune in next time, for the newest news bulletin.
This was Ron Typical, I-SUCK channel - the only channel, that suck in 110%...
And i thank You all for reading
-Maciej
Bob: Thank you, Joel. Well, as you can see, the situation here is dire, because I'm wearing a tan vest with bulky pockets. We haven't received any official statements regarding the unprecedented encripplement, but we can confirm that the situation here is dire. Wait, I am now getting... yes, I'm getting a sort of buzzing noise in my left ear. Back to you, Joel.
Joel: Bob Obvious there, in a tan vest. We will bring you further news as this story develops. In lighter news, demons were driven from a pig today in Gloucester...
Denmay: "It's real tragic for sure, gonna miss it, I mean they definitely work hard in there. All I can do is just support and cheer them on, feel guilty that I can't do more."