so, it's only now that i start writing again. i plan to start being on here more activly, with any luck...maybe even write again. but that's not why i'm writing this. I don't know, if anyone's listening anymore. if anyone cares anymore. Funny how when your surrounded by people you can feel so utterly alone. the person i had perfect trust, and near perfect love for...rejected me in part...and is forever beyond my reach. my greatest nightmere, one that haunted me for so long, brought to life by the one i trusted most in my life. racked with true pain, hunted, hurt, broken....i'm sick, so sick of being broken, of being hurt. Yet my body is cursed. my soul as well. I have drive, force, will, power, and desire...and that won't let me simply give in and die. I have belief and faith that things will get better, so i simply keep exposing myself to this acrid pain called life. and by this point i'm sure that half of you who would be reading this have written it off as another anxsty post from some emotional fool. well, you'd be right i suppose. I don't know who, if anyone, will read this. and i suppose it truly doesn't matter, anymore. my life will go on, will forever go onwards, despite knowing my one true love, is forever beyond my reach. Knowing pain, knowing sarrow. I've paid the price for falling in love. and you know what....it was worth every moment of this grand pain. love was worth it. for however short a time, i wasn't broken. so here's to life, here's to me....and here's to the hope, that i won't have to be alone, for much longer."