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... Wait! That's IT!
18 years ago
This morning I was wondering why I can never keep a schedule, or stay on any kind of plan to improve my life in any way. I tried keeping a personal journal back in January. That lasted a couple months. Now I completely forget I even have it for weeks at a time. I tried keeping track of what I eat, and excersizing a few times a week. And it worked! I felt great! Until I FORGOT. I had a bookmark to a site with figure anatomy lessons in Youtube format. I diligently went through them one-by-one, picking up valuable tips. Until I FORGOT. By the time I remembered the place existed, the Youtube videos were taken down in favor of a mail-order DVD set. I can't even be bothered to read the godamn comics in the morning! I just can't form ANY kind of habit that involves thinking!
And that's when I realized! I don't THINK anymore!! I'm operating entirely on instinct and experience! Occasionally an outside stimulus will awake within me a desire to LEARN, but it always dies out!
Has it really come to this? Has it been so long since high school that my mind has become a weak slurry? I've lost my curiosity! My drive to learn! It's not just my furry scrawlings that are in a rut! My entire being is stuck in an infinite loop! Every attempt to break free results in failure! What do I do?!
And that's when I realized! I don't THINK anymore!! I'm operating entirely on instinct and experience! Occasionally an outside stimulus will awake within me a desire to LEARN, but it always dies out!
Has it really come to this? Has it been so long since high school that my mind has become a weak slurry? I've lost my curiosity! My drive to learn! It's not just my furry scrawlings that are in a rut! My entire being is stuck in an infinite loop! Every attempt to break free results in failure! What do I do?!
Facetiousness aside, is there anyone around who can occasionally cast a disappointed eye on you when you slack off? It does help.
How to get out of it? That's really for you and you alone to say, if you ask me. It's different for everyone. I tried to concentrate on little things, at first. I promised myself I wouldn't turn down an opportunity, for instance, even if I didn't feel like doing it, I would kick myself up the ass and do it all the same.
So good luck. :)
The good news is, you can probably hold down a decent job. I'm a teacher, and so far, I still have my job, even though I forget to bring necessary materials to teach some of my lessons, or that I'll have this or that class to teach, or that the concert is really soon (actually the concert is over now).
So you know how I fixed it? I /embraced it/. I made impulsiveness and forgetfulness a part of my life. And I feel GREAT! I do take steps to make sure I remember stuff - It's called sticky notes. I have sticky notes by the phone, on the fridge, by my computer, by my alarm clock. And you know what? It's not what's on the sticky notes themselves.... it's simply /because I know the sticky note is there, I remember every little detail pertaining to why it's there/. And if, down the road, I do forget, I have what's written on the sticky note to remind myself.
As for making impulsiveness a part of my life, just do it. Just decide that when something comes into your head, do it. You'll eventually learn to channel it.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
... Isn't moonbat a derogatory term? Shit, nevermind!
Unfortunately! I've been out of town for the past three days on a roadtrip of perpetual doom and have not had the chance to put these random synapses into practice! UNFORTUNATE!
Being away from school does make someone go mushy.
One must get used to being a high performance person. Ambition! Ahaha, yes, to rule the world and have all the lesser mortals do thy will Ahaha! Yes, it will all be minnnne
...Wait. You didn't hear that. SHUT UP.
I think you just explained part of what i'm having problems with as well! =o
1) After I got out of work, I took a ~60 mile drive. I just went in one random direction for 45 minutes, got my bearings, and drove home. I figured out all kinds of neat side roads that are terrific for driving. Oh yeah, I also found out that my radar detector works pretty damn well, and only half the cops actually have their radar systems turned on.
2) I opened up the dictionary and looked up random words, in the hopes of getting some art ideas. The 5th or so word I found, totally at random, was "furbelow". You can imagine what was the first picture idea to come to my mind after seeing that.
3) I actually wrote some code this week! That always pulls me out of a slump.
As far as self-improvement goes, though, it's important to have friends or other people around you that support you at it. Without them, it doesn't last very long.
Sadly, I found out that this is pretty much the norm, as soon as I left college. The environment no longer supports communal development and learning - now it's just "shut up and do your job". Of course, maybe if I had a REAL career job, that wouldn't be the case - but it's devilishly hard to find the motivation to get to one, without being in a career job, or college, or school. :P
(I think that's part of why people go to cons too - because it surrounds them with others who want the same sort of thing, and helps them get started again.)
Anyways, just my 2¢.
...something that makes me sound like a dick. >.<
"If you really want to change, you'll do it." >.<
I like learning, but sometimes need a excuse to... learn. :)