Well, it certainly been a long time since I made a new journal. I think it is time to finally get this finished even though I started on it many weeks ago.

A few months ago, I was starting to feel rather down on myself. Both my brothers and my mother all have depression and I think I was getting some of it. Nothing huge but a lot of small things stacking up to conspire my usual happy-go-lucky self.

My role playing on FurNet dropped to almost nothing with more than half the people in my channels leaving (whether it was related to my inactivity I don't know but I usually do most of the posts in there). My art output gone way down as well which wasn't all that high to begin with. There been months where I didn't post anything much less weeks of nothing.

It doesn't help when I don't get any comments as well. Some of the rare stuff I did put up didn't even get on response which results my love motivation to be even worse. Plus the car accident brought me down a few notches. Then getting even more busy at work really pushed up the stress levels.

But it is not all doom and gloom. I few weeks back, I got a raise at work. Last year was bad and no one got a raise so it was nice to get one this year. Just under 10%, it not too huge but better than nothing. Every little bit help though I am still busy. Last week was particularly hectic but I am grinding through it. I don't think I am going to get a slowdown in a quite awhile. Our business has been picking up like crazy and we are hiring lots of new people to help with the workload but it is still getting insane.

For those few who read my last few journals know about the quad-core computer I got earlier this year. While I haven't restarted my 3D stuff, I have been getting more active playing first person shooters online. I mainly play Counter Strike: Source and doing well enough. On the Dust2 map on one of Hellsgamers servers, I rank a good 58 out of 14,000 players or so (the number of players is a bit high since the usual stat reset didn't go all the way through but still). Not bad for this old dwaggie. I bet I am more than twice the age than most of the players there. My reaction time is pretty good and I do very well when I am not laggy and there is not many cheaters (one shot kill over and over plus can take a huge amount of shot and don't die) on at the time.

The top players tend to focus on a handful of guns while I just let the game choose my weapons at random. I couldn't get to guns menu to work for me so I just let it select for me. At least I won't be tempted on using the best weapons all the time. I know I would be ranked even higher if I stick to the sniper rifles and other urber guns. Though it is frustrating when I get the crappy guns over and over. And there is a glitch on that server where I end up with just a handgun and no machine gun, especially annoying when it does it over and over. Very hard to kill with the weak guns but sometimes I manage to surprise myself.

I sometimes go wild and headshot (usually instant kill) in a group of enemy. Fun when it happens though rare. Much easier to do that with a machine gun. A few times I used a submachine gun and aim high to kill 3 or 4 people in a small room after rushing it. But I must say my most kills comes from the sniper rifles. When I am lucky to get one upon spawning after a death, them I usually seek out a good spot and watch over a choke point like doorways and wait for the enemy to rush. I can often fire first with my reaction time and get a kill, sometime over and over if I get really going. My highest kill streak is 25 kills before I die.

On FurNet, my RPs been picking up though will never be as high as when I had tons of free time. Still nice and people have been seeping back in my channels. My #bellyofthebeast channel even got up to 21 people in it. It has been a long time since it even got close to that number. In fact, I don't recall it got near it all of this year so that was a nice bonus.

All this have stare off my depressed feelings though I still not getting much comments if any. I probably should get used to it as I never got all that many in the past but one do hope. If anyone read this (and still left), let me know. I have no idea if anybody reads my scribbles and rants. It feels so lonely when I don't get any replies.

Oh BTW, I am getting real close to 700 watchers. Just 2 more to go. However the number been going up and down, teasing me to no end. Even though this is the closest to 700, I have been hovering less than 10 for many months, so tantalizing close. If it wasn't for those dropping out of my list, I would have made it pass that late last year. *.* I figure it'll go up and down a few times before finally hitting that mark.