Well, today was utterly exhausting.
I'm pretty much down with a really bad cold, and what appears to be food poisoning. Still, I'm taking care of my parents' animals while they are on vacation. One of the big things is feeding the ducks and collecting the eggs. There are only three, and it usually isn't a big deal, but today it was not to be.

As usual, I walked out to the pen with three of the four dogs. Usually, they walk around the fenced in yard while I go into the smaller duck pen. The main door is a piece of plywood that is pretty much kept closed with a cinder-block. I go inside to feed these ducks and collect the eggs when Nibbles (The big male duck that nips at everyone when they walk in.) decides that my jeans looked pretty sexy.

He's nipping the legs per usual, but when I turned around to pick up the eggs, he gets a good grip on the jeans with his beak, then attempts to mount my leg. At this point, the dogs have figured out that they could nose open the door to the pen and walk right on in.

So, my mini dachshund, Buddy, noses in first and comes running up wanting me to pick him up, then, thinking I'm being attacked, tries to attack this duck that is 10x his size.
Now, I grab him up which puts me as having a barking wiener dog in one hand, a food scoop that I placed the eggs in the other, and a duck trying to make sweet love to my leg.

Then, my mother's golden retriever (Nova) decides he wants to look around the duck pen, while her 90lb Great Dane puppy (Mack) b-lines it for the food I just put out for the ducks.

I manage to shoo Nova out pretty quick, but Mack only turns away from the food and decided that trying for the eggs might me a better idea. So I am now, holding both hands above my head, snarling mass of fur in one, food scoop in other, playing keep away from what equates to a small horse while a duck is getting his groove on with my right leg.

I manage to move this one man circus, back towards the door, and bend down to put Buddy outside the pen, but this puts me low enough that Mack is able to stick his head into the food scoop, but he can't quite reach the bottom of it where the eggs are.I used this to my advantage to back him out of the pen while Nibbles continued his denim romance.

So, I am now trying to back out of the pen so that I can keep the dogs from getting back in whilst at the same time extricating nibbles from my leg with my one free hand. This is made a little harder since the talons on his webbed feet are caught in the small holes that they created in the fabric.

After a bit of wrestling, I managed to free myself and escape my feathered molester. This took at least 10 minutes out of my day and since it was around 95 degrees outside, I can safely say that it killed the precious little energy that I had to move around.

So, the lesson of the day is that Duck Rape isn't funny, if you're the one watching, there's a chance it's friggin hilarious.