Come in and sit down, Philly. Don't worry about these people, they're just here because they're worried. We need to talk. I was flying over some of your suburbs the other day and I knew I had to step in.

I think you have a baseball addiction.

We've all noticed the way you've been hoarding baseball fields. There are eight of them on one lot over there, and six on that one, within walking distance! You've even got a few solo fields between them for good measure! I know it's important to have a hobby, but when you put this much effort onto something and the best team you get out of it is the Phillies, I think you need to start asking yourself if it's worth it. Maybe you should take up stamp collecting or something.

Oh, and New Jersey, while I've got you here: You know first impressions are important, right? Maybe people would have a better opinion of you if your airport didn't suck so bad.