FA+
Shop
The Desperation of Separation
15 years ago
For my mate, (and all others who care to read)
“You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you’re wit ‘em/you meet and neither one of you even know what hit ‘em/got that warm fuzzy feelin’ yeah them chills used to get ‘em/now you’re gettin’ fuckin’ sick of lookin’ at ‘em?”
The first night we spent together was amazing. It was the first time I ever spent time with someone totally exposed. I have never been so scared, but you made me feel so comfortable. I wasn’t afraid of what was going to happen. I hoped it was never going to end, spending the night in each other’s arms. But as time went on, the feelings only got better, and your surprise visit was the best weekend I’ve ever had. Now as I spend time here alone, doubt began to creep into my heart. I have kept it away from our love, but as I feared most I couldn’t keep it away forever.
“I can’t tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like/…high off [his] love, drunk from [his] hate it’s like I’m huffin’ paint/and I love [him] the more I suffer, I suffocate”
I have been going through hell here without you. I get to do all this life-altering things and I don’t have you to share it with. All I get is a lonely night sleeping in a lonely bed in the dark corner this house. I have tried to do a lot of good things this summer, like starting a better a relationship with my parents and pursuing a career that would allow me to be with you. But all I get for it is people telling me what I am doing and feeling is wrong. The pain this place puts me through is intense, I can barely feel pain now. I push myself so far at work and practice that I have passed out twice from exhaustion. I have reached level where I don’t care what happens to my health anymore.
“it wasn’t you, baby it was me/maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems/maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano/all I know is I love you too much to walk away though”
Where do we go from here, I know we are still together but are we on the same page anymore. Looking at the path not taken, I wish I never did this. I wish I had picked up what little I had left and found a way to you. However, as time goes on the better I feel about being down here away from you. I know you don’t like seeing me going through all these tests and problems alone. But, I needed to do this, the past I have here needs to be fixed or it will continue to haunt me forever. I need to undo the damage I caused and erase the old me.
So now I guess the only thing to do is to “stand there and watch me burn/well that’s all right because I like the way it hurts/just gonna stand there and hear me cry/ well that’s all right because I love the way you lie”
*all quoted form “Love The Way You Lie” by Eminem featuring Rihanna from the album “Recovery”
“You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe when you’re wit ‘em/you meet and neither one of you even know what hit ‘em/got that warm fuzzy feelin’ yeah them chills used to get ‘em/now you’re gettin’ fuckin’ sick of lookin’ at ‘em?”
The first night we spent together was amazing. It was the first time I ever spent time with someone totally exposed. I have never been so scared, but you made me feel so comfortable. I wasn’t afraid of what was going to happen. I hoped it was never going to end, spending the night in each other’s arms. But as time went on, the feelings only got better, and your surprise visit was the best weekend I’ve ever had. Now as I spend time here alone, doubt began to creep into my heart. I have kept it away from our love, but as I feared most I couldn’t keep it away forever.
“I can’t tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like/…high off [his] love, drunk from [his] hate it’s like I’m huffin’ paint/and I love [him] the more I suffer, I suffocate”
I have been going through hell here without you. I get to do all this life-altering things and I don’t have you to share it with. All I get is a lonely night sleeping in a lonely bed in the dark corner this house. I have tried to do a lot of good things this summer, like starting a better a relationship with my parents and pursuing a career that would allow me to be with you. But all I get for it is people telling me what I am doing and feeling is wrong. The pain this place puts me through is intense, I can barely feel pain now. I push myself so far at work and practice that I have passed out twice from exhaustion. I have reached level where I don’t care what happens to my health anymore.
“it wasn’t you, baby it was me/maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems/maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano/all I know is I love you too much to walk away though”
Where do we go from here, I know we are still together but are we on the same page anymore. Looking at the path not taken, I wish I never did this. I wish I had picked up what little I had left and found a way to you. However, as time goes on the better I feel about being down here away from you. I know you don’t like seeing me going through all these tests and problems alone. But, I needed to do this, the past I have here needs to be fixed or it will continue to haunt me forever. I need to undo the damage I caused and erase the old me.
So now I guess the only thing to do is to “stand there and watch me burn/well that’s all right because I like the way it hurts/just gonna stand there and hear me cry/ well that’s all right because I love the way you lie”
*all quoted form “Love The Way You Lie” by Eminem featuring Rihanna from the album “Recovery”
As far as us being on the same path I really think we are. We have hit a point where our love is so strong for one another and we have realized that if we choose life with one another that it is the biggest gamble of our entire lives. As I have for every single night this summer, I will continue to pray for you honeybear. There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do just to make you smile. You are my best friend and the love of my life. I have had many dreams of us being together and they all had one thing in common,.... no diapers, there were no AB/DL roleplay, or cubby, sissy, or anything of that matter it was just you and me, K G and Sean. The love I feel for you goes way beyond the walls of the fandom or any other crazy thing we're into hehe. I know I can't say anything to your parents, but if there was one thing that I would say it would be "You guys should be proud to have raised such a great son."
etuc
Love you honeybear