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Disconnection
15 years ago
General
Recommended Listening
dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip - Waiting for the Beat to Kick In
Even the nicest of guys have some nasty within' 'em
You don't have to be backlit to be the villain
Whether it's greed, lust or plain vindictiveness
There's a level of malevolence inside of all of us
(Hey look, more jibbering about how I'm depressed and lonely and some psychiatric self-analysis and stuff.)
Ahhh, this little thing just keeps coming up with me, doesn't it?
As always, I'm feeling utterly disconnected from the furry fandom, the feeling never goes away. Why would I feel disconnected? Gosh, well if social interaction is necessary for connectivity then I'm way out in space someplace.
People never start conversations with me. I can be on messengers for hours at a time without hearing a peep from anybody (I think the longest I've gone is about 5 hours, during evening peak times). I can start conversations but they won't last longer than 15 minutes, often not even 10.
I haven't had a sustained conversation (which I consider constant talk for over 15 minutes) with any person in any of my top two friend groups (yes, I order people on IMs by preference) in weeks. That's not an exaggeration. It's literally been weeks since anyone who I care the most about has desired to talk to me.
Pretty much every other conversation has been roleplay. That's it. I don't even RP much anymore, I've just lost all motivation to do so over the last few weeks, probably because I'm always the one getting used and abused (in a non-sexual sense) in them. One way roleplays are not fun.
I can ask how people are feeling and how I can help them, but I never get it in return. I see my friends throw money and compassion at others when they have problems, but when I'm in need it's always radio silence.
For a long time I've been excluded from group events. It's saddening to see all the people you consider your friends - my closest allies - toddling off to have fun together or do some great event together, while I just sit around waiting for my invitation that will ultimately never come.
I've never had a "best friend" in the furry fandom, while there has over time been many individuals who I will feel most in-tune with, such affinity has never been reciprocated. While I know that having a designated "best friend" is utterly unnecessary, one must remember that I'm a fundamentally insecure person. I need a support to lean on.
This is probably why I've had so many partners over the last few years, even if we're not the closest or most affectionate, I at least have the knowledge that someone wants me.
This is having an effect on my overall view of the furry fandom. People are here for various reasons; personally I came for the art and stayed for the friends, but my reason for staying is waning, so what's stopping me just dropping out altogether? Even the artwork is losing its affinity.
Believe me. I've considered it on numerous occasions. Yeah yeah, I know no one really leaves the furry fandom for real and all that crap, but a nice long hiatus wouldn't go amiss. After all, you don't know what you've got until you've lost it.
Ahhh, this little thing just keeps coming up with me, doesn't it?
As always, I'm feeling utterly disconnected from the furry fandom, the feeling never goes away. Why would I feel disconnected? Gosh, well if social interaction is necessary for connectivity then I'm way out in space someplace.
People never start conversations with me. I can be on messengers for hours at a time without hearing a peep from anybody (I think the longest I've gone is about 5 hours, during evening peak times). I can start conversations but they won't last longer than 15 minutes, often not even 10.
I haven't had a sustained conversation (which I consider constant talk for over 15 minutes) with any person in any of my top two friend groups (yes, I order people on IMs by preference) in weeks. That's not an exaggeration. It's literally been weeks since anyone who I care the most about has desired to talk to me.
Pretty much every other conversation has been roleplay. That's it. I don't even RP much anymore, I've just lost all motivation to do so over the last few weeks, probably because I'm always the one getting used and abused (in a non-sexual sense) in them. One way roleplays are not fun.
I can ask how people are feeling and how I can help them, but I never get it in return. I see my friends throw money and compassion at others when they have problems, but when I'm in need it's always radio silence.
For a long time I've been excluded from group events. It's saddening to see all the people you consider your friends - my closest allies - toddling off to have fun together or do some great event together, while I just sit around waiting for my invitation that will ultimately never come.
I've never had a "best friend" in the furry fandom, while there has over time been many individuals who I will feel most in-tune with, such affinity has never been reciprocated. While I know that having a designated "best friend" is utterly unnecessary, one must remember that I'm a fundamentally insecure person. I need a support to lean on.
This is probably why I've had so many partners over the last few years, even if we're not the closest or most affectionate, I at least have the knowledge that someone wants me.
This is having an effect on my overall view of the furry fandom. People are here for various reasons; personally I came for the art and stayed for the friends, but my reason for staying is waning, so what's stopping me just dropping out altogether? Even the artwork is losing its affinity.
Believe me. I've considered it on numerous occasions. Yeah yeah, I know no one really leaves the furry fandom for real and all that crap, but a nice long hiatus wouldn't go amiss. After all, you don't know what you've got until you've lost it.
If you want to ever talk, shout at me if I'm on. I don't start many conversations due to me also working on various things at the same time, but I do conversate.
Maybe it was just your situation in life at the time (I tried to chat with you a good few times) but I just couldnt seem to get anything going.
Found you hard to talk to. :s
Well, if you have skype, add Shogun_Chaos to your lil' friendly list, and say hi to me. :P
Lets try again, maybe.
You just have to ask, sometimes.
But hey, if you really feel a bit of a break is necessary, then I won't stop you there neither. I just wanted to let you know that there's those who're ignorant and should shun anyone off just because they feel they can and then there's those who'd actually give a crap and actually care about others feel. The only real time I get silent when I'm appearing offline is because I can sometimes be temporarily busy, but other than that you're always welcome to say hi. *hugs*
What do you enjoy talking about? Remember, a lot of people come here to leave the world behind for a while.
And that's another problem, I don't have any interests, so I never have much to talk about anyway.
I'm sorry I'm such a bad person to talk to =/
Although I rarely see you on MSN, maybe I'm just not looking hard enough.
Bullshit.
I've gone out of my way to help you feel better, drawing you some images to show you I care, buying you Garry's Mod, giving you a shoulder and an ear to listen. I've done so much to try and help you in the past Alex.
Bullshit.
I've gone out of my way to help you feel better, drawing you some images to show you I care, buying you Garry's Mod, giving you a shoulder and an ear to listen. I've done so much to try and help you in the past Alex.