God I hate being so damned emo of late. It's just not my thing. This has been by far the worse bout of depression I've ever experienced in quite some time. The root cause seems to be AC. No not the con itself. I had an awesome time there and met some great folks. It's just that the whole PA trip I did...first to Philly to chill with a buddy there and then over to Pitt for AC...occupied my mind for most of the first quarter of this year. Well it came...and it went way to fast and there were things I wanted to happen...things that were planned...that just didn't happen. Now...I just feel aimless. Even though I did enjoy myself there...I still felt like an outsider. I've been feeling that way a lot round this community lately...be it rational or not. Now I've always been someone that questioned where my place in this world is for most of my life. This is different though...much more powerful...much more painful. Most of my pain there is from the fact than I've been such an ass to a few folks who didn't deserve it and...no matter how down I feel...there's just no need for the way I acted. I don't really know why I'm communicating this all here. I've never felt all that appreciated or accepted here yet...I'm still here. I still like this community and all the talented folks and, although I'll most likely never reach the level of talent of artists here...I still wanna keep doing the best I can...when I can. I should have anticipated this would be a pretty bad month for me after all that was going on this time last year. To all I've hurt with my actions or non-actions, please forgive me. All I really want right now is a second chance. I think we all deserve that sometimes.