So, Wolfe and I are hanging out at the mall, and this fat bitch comes up to us while we're standing in line and shouts "excuse me!" And this was not a nice tone, like "can you tell me the time?" This was a fat whale shouting because she wanted to cut in line.

Wolfe ignored her, I looked at the fat bitch and just turned back around. She repeated herself, "excuse me!"

I was getting ready to make a snarky comment at her (not to her, at her) and Wolfe beat me to it.

"Madam, there is no excuse for you when you are that rude."

To which, the bitch replied, "Excuse me!?" Apparently, fatty is hard of hearing. "You ain't no prize yo'self."

Sometimes, I'm glad Wolfe cuts me off. Like this time, "of course not, the prize you get in your cereal box is twice my size."

"Are you calling me fat?" As if she had to ask.

"Perhaps I was unclear by using too many big words for you, or maybe I was a little too vague in my analogy. I will keep it simplier. Yes." At this point, some random cop wandered closer from somewhere, not a rent-a-cop, a real "I will shoot yo ass, *bang bang*" cop.

Well, fatty decided to keep shouting, "are you deaf? I said EXCUSE ME!"

"I can assure you that unlike your hearing, mine is working just fine. Or more specifically, it 'was' working just fine. Now all I can hear is this loud shrill noise." And I decide to help Wolfe prove his point by snapping by his ear. You know, visual aids for the metally retarded.

"You's in my way. You need ta move." I know that living this close to Detroit means that everyone thinks that they need to be badass, but when you are in a shopping mall in Troy, you are NOT badass.

"Madam, I was clearly in line before you and my transaction is nearing completion, if you will leave me alone so that I may finish..." and fatty decided to cut him off, yet again.

"You 'clearly' ran up here before me so that you could cut me off and make me wait!" I was soo tempted to make a crack about her and running in corrolation (big word for me) to earthquakes, but Wolfe continued.

"The longer we stand here arguing the..." and here comes fatty to cut off Wolfe, again. And at this point, I'm ready to shank this bitch, cop or not.

"Listen here pretty boy, you just need to get the hell outta my way." At this point, I can see that Wolfe is about to make her start crying. Or throw something at he head. Oh wait, that's my reaction to this bitch. Wolfe just stays cool and never raises his voice. It almost makes ME wanna clock his ass, damn he's good.

"Pretty boy? So, I'm pretty and deaf now, huh? So what does that make you, fat and ugly? I would say we should swap roles to be fair, but that would make me pretty and fat and just leave you deaf and ugly and that just seems mean spirited. Although you are holding up your end of this little arrangement, regardless of which role you choose to take."

And all the while, Wolfe at some point got his credit card back, grabbed his bag and receipt and started heading towards the door. Fatty decided to get the cop involved, "aren't you going to arrest him?"

The cop replied with, "what would you have me arrest him for? Speaking his mind or telling the truth? Neither of which are against the law. I suppose I could always arrest you for public disturbance."

Wolfe shouted back as we walked out the store, "I'm not sure your squad car can hold her."

Wolfe probably saved my ass from being arrested.

Wolfe, my hero.

The unsung hero.

He tries so hard to be polite to everyone and not start anything. Why do people have to push his buttons?