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can't take shit no more
15 years ago
[DUN DUN]
I'm really just sick of everything.
I try to keep up an appearance that everything is fine, that I'm doing good. I keep people away from my house and family to help hide these facts and make my happyness seem real.
but I can take it any more. my mom likes to toy with my mind to the point I just can't take this. I keep trusting her and falling for these little traps she has set up. takes me out the dinner some place far away thinking, hey maybe she's trying to be nice to me for once you know get along. then on the car ride back give me every reason why I'm a burden and miss hap to her life. literally I think trying to push me over the edge. then wonder's why I have such a weird out look on life. of why I don't like people, trust or have a lot of goles at all for anything.
my dad could care less about me, he gets me things I need telling me to get out at some point that he doesn't love me neither dose my mother. and I just shrug it off. trying not to act affected or weaken, from it. so he won't think that he's affecting me or won in any way. to try to keep him from getting any satisfaction out of it.
which I then turn to my bunnys who are derpy as hell and scared of me due to anger out burst having scared them, afrade after my crying and stuff and throwing a few stuffed animals that I mite do the same to them, and they try to get away.
I just don't see a point in doing anything at this point, you go to school all your life to work a dead end job being tired all the time stressed out, reproduce, deal with that stress. then die. I just don't see the point of all this eat sleep die, that basically it in my mind.
I rely on my vicodin as I see to try to null out the world and everything around me. I can't keep giving my self some kinda false hope any more. I need to get out. and get away. and just try to restart. I hate bitching on fa. but I can't keep up this act to well.
it affects all my relationships with people cause I can't let people take care of me, I have to lead every idea, and though, and be the dominate one. and people can't stand. I'm like my mom with her having to control everything. I hate having any one take care of me. I'm one big some kinda mess
I try to keep up an appearance that everything is fine, that I'm doing good. I keep people away from my house and family to help hide these facts and make my happyness seem real.
but I can take it any more. my mom likes to toy with my mind to the point I just can't take this. I keep trusting her and falling for these little traps she has set up. takes me out the dinner some place far away thinking, hey maybe she's trying to be nice to me for once you know get along. then on the car ride back give me every reason why I'm a burden and miss hap to her life. literally I think trying to push me over the edge. then wonder's why I have such a weird out look on life. of why I don't like people, trust or have a lot of goles at all for anything.
my dad could care less about me, he gets me things I need telling me to get out at some point that he doesn't love me neither dose my mother. and I just shrug it off. trying not to act affected or weaken, from it. so he won't think that he's affecting me or won in any way. to try to keep him from getting any satisfaction out of it.
which I then turn to my bunnys who are derpy as hell and scared of me due to anger out burst having scared them, afrade after my crying and stuff and throwing a few stuffed animals that I mite do the same to them, and they try to get away.
I just don't see a point in doing anything at this point, you go to school all your life to work a dead end job being tired all the time stressed out, reproduce, deal with that stress. then die. I just don't see the point of all this eat sleep die, that basically it in my mind.
I rely on my vicodin as I see to try to null out the world and everything around me. I can't keep giving my self some kinda false hope any more. I need to get out. and get away. and just try to restart. I hate bitching on fa. but I can't keep up this act to well.
it affects all my relationships with people cause I can't let people take care of me, I have to lead every idea, and though, and be the dominate one. and people can't stand. I'm like my mom with her having to control everything. I hate having any one take care of me. I'm one big some kinda mess
While it's great that you're not falling into the trap of relying on others to do everything for you, don't push yourself to the other extreme either. We're social creatures, and nearly every single one of us comes out better when we're taking care of each other AND ourselves. All I'm really able to say is that I fully agree you need a change in your life. I don't know how to best approach it, but try to think of your options.
Over time, I'm sure that if you don't give up you'll be able to find a better job, and get into a better living and family situation.
NEVER give up. The answers aren't clear, but they exist. It is possible to turn things around... so just try to hang in there a bit longer.. ok?
*hugs tight*
I took the classes in hs, and make sure to keep my self up on everything to the point I think I can take the core tests and pass.
I just can't take the stress of my family any more, I'm not gonna do anything regretfully stupid, ending it all is a permanent solution to a temp problem.
when I was 14 my mom tried on many occasions to commit suicide with her cause of my dad. that was the hardest time of my life, and this stress isn't helping. I used to have a place close to escape to with some one to make things not seem so bad. but thats gone now.
I don't even have a job is the sad part. I really have the earning tho to get a job and strike out on my own with a few local trusted furs.
she's got some weird problems