Again, like last year, it dawns on me that the holidays are approaching. I haven't talked to my parents, or my dear sisters, in almost six months because my parents wouldn't respect my wishes. I'm already feeling the season hit me hard, knocking out so much of my energies. Thanksgiving won't be too bad; I'll have my roommate. But the entire month of December I'll be alone; my roommate is going back to Portland, Oregon, to visit his family, and I'll have no way to go with him because I work so much.

It just sucks, you know? The issue is not about love; I love my parents very much. But they need to learn to respect my wishes and stop trying to control and manipulate me. They've already took too much away from me, after all, and while I have forgiven them, they've made no genuine attempts at reconciliation, and going home for the holidays will just be another opportunity to use me.

And yet, being away from them, my sisters, the friends and people around the globe that I love so very much is heartwrenching when I know that I'm going to be alone again, with nobody to cook for, or stuff stockings for, or anything. I'll be sending some gifts to some good friends through the post, but otherwise I'll be in my apartment, looking at my little tree with little ornaments, and the dinner for ten that I prepared just for me, and saying, to myself, “Merry Christmas, Don.”

I should be thankful that I have a job that allows me to have my own place, to buy my food, to buy presents for the ones I love; that I have my health which lets me keep going; and that I have means to talk to others, making the distance just a little less. But, seriously, this sucks. I went through it last year; I don't know if I can take it again this year.

But, as all things, this too shall pass. G_d sends you what you need, even if it's not from where you want it. If I can trust that and keep my eyes open, it'll be alright. I hope.

All is well, all is well, all manner of being shall be well. This prayer better be true, because I've been repeating it this entire day, and will be repeating it at all waking moments for the next two months.