this lil rant is mainly about my mate...
lately more and more i've noticed he never seems jealous even is the guy is flirting with me right in front of him, he never seems that sad that he has to go accept for once in our whole 7 month relationship, and he practically laughs then sighs a tired sigh every time i even fanticize of him sleeping over or me sleeping over as if he has no hope of it ever happening or is willing to even try to make it happen...

i love him but lately its so hard to...

when he left today he left earlier than he even needed too, and when he got in his car and i got just inside the house... i wished with all my heart he would decide to break all the rules and stay, that he would get out of his car, burst in the doors and embrace me right there on the dark stairs i was curled up crying on... but he didn't... i watched my garage door and say as his headlights slowly faded as he backed out and drove off...

so here i am sitting at my computer crying still, knowing i'm a stupid girl for even hoping for such a thing...

i feel like there are no relationships that idealize to ask for advice... the one relationship that i actually know what is going on with them is not my kind of love story, i'm happy for them and surprised they make it work despite the ups and downs throughout the 3 years they've been together but right now i'm afraid to ask for advice from anyone...

anywho i'm sorry for anyone that this my have been a buzz kill for or just flat out wasted their time reading this whole thing... idc if you comment just please please please don't say "its going to be ok" ... because you don't know that and to say that is a cruel tease especially if its doesn't turn out ok...

well tonight there is no silver lining for this dark cloud
... unless i lost a pound in snot and tear, then there's a lil silver ^^