I put myself through one of the most unrational tortures last night because deep down I'm a rather fair individual that gives some shit a chance, especially if it's something based off of shit I like.

So I decided to sit through all of the 2010 live action Tekken movie.

...ALL of it.

Now don't get me wrong; I didn't go into this suicide venture blindly. I knew that for the most part that the movie wasn't going to follow the story of the first game due to previous research on the movie back when it was in pre-production (I told you I was a movie buff. lol). For instance, Jin was the main character; something that didn't happen in the games until Tekken 3.

...But God damn it.

It was so shitty. Like SERIOUSLY. The plot was so cliche' and predictable, ALL of the characters they randomly included in the movie from the games had the wrong personalities, certain characters were put in relationship pair-ups that either didn't make sense or never would've happened, certain character relationship pair-ups that were established in the games were NEVER mentioned or hinted at in the movie, they shat on Marshall Law completely without even giving a courtesy flush and they completely destroyed my two favorite characters from the games: Heihachi and Kazuya Mishima. This was my face during the entire movie:

>:-I

About 30 minutes in, I said word-for-word "What the fuck am I watching...?" Every ten minutes afterward resulted in me closing my eyes and massaging the area between my eyebrows and the part of my nose bone between my eyes. Watching that movie made me sick to my stomach every time I saw the Jin Kazama/Christie Monteiro pairing (I know this consists of a spoiler, but I don't care anymore) among other bullshit that commenced throughout this shit-fest, I could feel my eyes start to water a bit. You can imagine that as soon as I was finished watching this movie, that I deleted the file AND the torrent I downloaded it from from my computer. At least I was smart enough not to actually BUY this worthless piece of shit they call a movie.

All in all, fuck this movie. Fuck the writers who thought it was cool to make Kazuya a trust fund cry-baby who likes to rape company co-workers (Jun Kazama), to make an army of Kendo-wearing soldiers and call them "Jacks," to give Steve Fox an Obi-Wan complex, to not have Christie Monteiro's fighting style be Capoeira, to decide to write everyone they put in the movie out of character and think that their presence would be enough to cater to the fans of the game, and to think that calling this worthless-ass remake of "The Running Man" "Tekken" would be enough to actually make a profit from this piece of shit! It only made back 36% of what it took to make this movie; $967,369 out of a production cost of 35 MILLION DOLLARS!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH THAT MONEY?!

Everyone complaining about the first Street Fighter movie or the first Mortal Kombat movie needs to shut the fuck up. Or they should sit through Shitten (my new name for this movie). Even the director of the video game series hates this shit said - and I quote - “That Hollywood movie is terrible.” This is why I can't wait to get my work out there and have some involvement in Hollywood and the movies they make; so I can make sure shit like this doesn't happen like this to things I or anyone else likes. They had the perfect template for a Tekken movie through the anime movie they made. And from there, they could've followed the stories of the games and introduced new characters as they appeared in the games; start off with a small budget and make it work, possibly even be able to release a new sequel every year or two like with the Saw movies (they could've ended the seventh one better in my opinion). All I'm saying is that I won't be seeing another Tekken movie unless they're going in order; meaning Kazuya better be after Heihachi's blood for throwing him of a cliff when he was five years old.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be watching TRON...