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Finding the damn clarity in a sea of blurryness
15 years ago
General
Ok. So things are back to normal...wait a sec. What the hell is normal anyway these days? I mean I have a longtime partner of over 10+years who I love and have built a life with and he loves me as well. I also have my dragon, who i've known for almost five months and love deeply as well.
The blurryness happens when I try to figure out what I really want. With my longtime partner, I have a place to live and work, and someone who will be there for me no matter what. With dragon, I have someone who makes me feel electric whenever I'm around him and helps me to forget any problems I have by just a simple touch, hug or cuddle.
I know that right now, leaving either one of them is out of question, due to the fact that if I did, no telling what I might do. I'm in so deep in love with either of them, if it ended, I would be destroyed completely.
I was with dragon this past weekend, and as I began to prepare to leave, I started tearing up and dragon could see that. When I got everything back in my car and turned to say goodbye, I could barely get a word out. I completely choked up and squeaked out "I don't want to leave," with tears beginning to run down my face. This is really messing me up. I feel wonderful being with him, but when I go to leave him now, I get upset.
Someone tell me how bad I've got it for the dragon please!!! I need some outside opinions here!!!
The blurryness happens when I try to figure out what I really want. With my longtime partner, I have a place to live and work, and someone who will be there for me no matter what. With dragon, I have someone who makes me feel electric whenever I'm around him and helps me to forget any problems I have by just a simple touch, hug or cuddle.
I know that right now, leaving either one of them is out of question, due to the fact that if I did, no telling what I might do. I'm in so deep in love with either of them, if it ended, I would be destroyed completely.
I was with dragon this past weekend, and as I began to prepare to leave, I started tearing up and dragon could see that. When I got everything back in my car and turned to say goodbye, I could barely get a word out. I completely choked up and squeaked out "I don't want to leave," with tears beginning to run down my face. This is really messing me up. I feel wonderful being with him, but when I go to leave him now, I get upset.
Someone tell me how bad I've got it for the dragon please!!! I need some outside opinions here!!!
I love you as I've know ya a long time. Thanks for being there for me through my headlong dive into a new social scene. You have been an invaluable guide into new experiences and new friends.
I really have not gotten the real opportunity to thank you for introducing me to Drakkon. Like I keep saying, I did not intend to dive headlong into it. At the time, things between me and partner were strained and I was feeling neglected. After meeting Drakkon, things seemed to brighten in my world.
Although in the meantime, I have made some mistakes. I know that. But now, things are now on the table for everyone to see. I think lately, my main problem is dealing with my vulnerability and having everything out there. All the thoughts and fears are right there and to be honest, it scares the hell out of me.
Not to sound corny or anything, but I'm glad you're there and want to make sure I'm ok. You are one of my true friends and I am glad you are in my life. *HUG*