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And with nary a few minutes of the day left...
15 years ago
General
Recommended Listening
dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip - Waiting for the Beat to Kick In
Even the nicest of guys have some nasty within' 'em
You don't have to be backlit to be the villain
Whether it's greed, lust or plain vindictiveness
There's a level of malevolence inside of all of us
...I feel the need to open up in a lighthearted yet depressing blog post.
I love love, it's a beautiful thing, something to be cherished so deeply, clung to at any cost to yourself, it's magnificent, delightful, the greatest thing ever. It's a subject I'm so passionate about that it was the focus of one of my university presentations about my inspiration in life; I got so into it that I barely remember what I even said, except that it ended "There's a signpost. It's there because I encourage you to go out there and find love, and find passion, and find inspiration."
And yet, on this day of days, in fact every day, I feel alone. In my short life thus far I've gone though quite a few partners (hello there revengeboot, bunglebear, gullible and rangethebeagle!), but after the collapse of each relationship in turn it's just turned me more into a sorrowed fool. Some of these broken times put me in a depressive pit for months, the love lost from a small mistake or sheer consequence. It's horrid, horribly horrid.
I got over these failures, but it each progressive failure just kept bringing me further into the belief that I'm not good enough. I'm not interested in sex, I'm hardly interested in any physical part, I'm only there for the emotion - and often that's what I've taken for granted.
As of the last one, I've since abstained from love completely. I've removed myself from the "eligible and looking" list. It's so hypocritical, so ridiculous, that I can be such an advocate for love, yet remove myself from it; but I feel that's what needs to be done, to save my heart and those of others that will just end up wrung dry.
There are people out there that I would like to take things further with, given the opportunity, but I don't. I stop myself. It won't work.
I instead invest my love into people, my friends and comrades. It's not perfect, I need friends and comrades first, but it's better than nothing. Then a day like V-day comes up, half the population splash out and show off their love, the other half wallow in their lack of it.
Yes, it brings me sorrow in my darkest moments; yes, I do weep myself to sleep some nights, but I'll survive, I always do I guess.
All you need is love...
(Kind of funny that hali's "I Just Wanna Fall in Love" happened to come on while writing this.)
I love love, it's a beautiful thing, something to be cherished so deeply, clung to at any cost to yourself, it's magnificent, delightful, the greatest thing ever. It's a subject I'm so passionate about that it was the focus of one of my university presentations about my inspiration in life; I got so into it that I barely remember what I even said, except that it ended "There's a signpost. It's there because I encourage you to go out there and find love, and find passion, and find inspiration."
And yet, on this day of days, in fact every day, I feel alone. In my short life thus far I've gone though quite a few partners (hello there revengeboot, bunglebear, gullible and rangethebeagle!), but after the collapse of each relationship in turn it's just turned me more into a sorrowed fool. Some of these broken times put me in a depressive pit for months, the love lost from a small mistake or sheer consequence. It's horrid, horribly horrid.
I got over these failures, but it each progressive failure just kept bringing me further into the belief that I'm not good enough. I'm not interested in sex, I'm hardly interested in any physical part, I'm only there for the emotion - and often that's what I've taken for granted.
As of the last one, I've since abstained from love completely. I've removed myself from the "eligible and looking" list. It's so hypocritical, so ridiculous, that I can be such an advocate for love, yet remove myself from it; but I feel that's what needs to be done, to save my heart and those of others that will just end up wrung dry.
There are people out there that I would like to take things further with, given the opportunity, but I don't. I stop myself. It won't work.
I instead invest my love into people, my friends and comrades. It's not perfect, I need friends and comrades first, but it's better than nothing. Then a day like V-day comes up, half the population splash out and show off their love, the other half wallow in their lack of it.
Yes, it brings me sorrow in my darkest moments; yes, I do weep myself to sleep some nights, but I'll survive, I always do I guess.
All you need is love...
(Kind of funny that hali's "I Just Wanna Fall in Love" happened to come on while writing this.)
Dondaz
~dondaz
It is just a hallmark holiday based on a somewhat based on some religious thing in the crappiest month of the year. =3 You lost nothing.
Tolstoy
~tolstoy
Love will come. It will come when you least expect it. Until then, just keep being you.
