Many years have I grown with a sadness inside of my mind. And yet I can never find myself the happiness I desire. There is so little peace of mind, and so much turmoil inside the subconsciousness of my thoughts, and yet, my troubles are nothing vast, and my life calm. I am unable to find the answers to be happy with myself, but nobody seems to be able to achieve a peace of mind or happiness that I've longed for all my life. What is true happiness? Is there a way to identify what it really is? Just once do I long for the enlightenment of this feeling, to be away from sorrow and inner conflict, and to be in a mind-world of goodness.

There is so much I want to accomplish in this life. There is so much I want to master. But why could I desire mastery over so many things, when I cannot even master my own being? I want to master being an artist.. a vocalist.. a wise man.. a fighter.. a lover.. an empath.. a business.. and yet I can't even make progress towards mastering myself. Many times in the few years I have been alive, I have I failed myself and doubted my own self with no way to trust myself. It is this own self mastery which I am unable to find the answers for, and make progress towards? What must I do to be content with my own being?

But happiness seems so vague, so unpredictable.. happiness can come from humor.. accomplishment.. indulging in personal interests.. love.. yet for this drake, in doing all the aforementioned, the sadness overshadows it by far. Is this overshadowing normal? Many people have had bad lives, that so much here leads to so much misery. sadness and bad intentions seemingly overdo everything else that is happy and good in the world. This type of turmoil seems to serve as an obstacle not only towards my own joy, but the joy towards high portion of those here as well.

I am rather philosophical tonight.. when sadness deprives me of the feelings that I long for, I can only wonder why, and long for the answers.