Imagine that you have a big, matal bucket. Inside this bucket swims every idea that J.K. Rowling, C.S. Lewis, and Steven King ever decided to throw out of a novel, mixed liberally with liquified Essence of Anime. Now imagine that you load the whole concoction into a six-pound powder cannon and fire it at a movie screen, except the noise gives you a concussion, so everything is jerky and unsteady when you sit down to watch, and your vision keeps jumping from muddy darkness to blinding light.

And that's how you make The Seeker: THe Dark is Rising.