I should be at a YSAR meeting right now. Even if I wanted to go, I could not, I have no transport (aside from my feet, but my Mother says it is too dark). My passion for it has been quickly burning out. If I were to continue to force myself to do this for much longer, I will crash, burn and be in need of some expensive repairs. There is little I fear more than the power of negative emotion, it has brought me closer to my demise than anything else.

It's times like these I listen to old Green Day music. Their third album, Dookie, has more significance to me than any tear-jerking ballad.

It is interesting to witness the process of self-development in such a conscious state. My awareness is increasing. I feel a heavy (metaphorical) weight on my shoulders, it is staying in place until I discover a way to lift it so I can reach the new heights I see before my eyes.

I feel like a Painted Dog right now.