My great grandfather has died. One of my closest family members. My grandparents are some of the most friendly people I know of.. My grandfather had something that I do not. He had peace of mind.. He was happy with his life. That alone really made me look up to the man. He, his wife often spent a lot of personal time with me and my sister, and gave us many things. He had a great sense of humor and a lovely wife by his side.

This is the first time I've ever felt the pain of loss. I'm currently already totalled by my current self loathing, my loneliness, and everything I spite about myself. I've never dealt with two weights of sadness on my shoulders alone. But i feel so selfish that I'm not paying absolute homage to my grandfather, who rightfully deserves to be put before me.

Gosh, This is too much to bear. It seems like every time I try to bring myself back up to my feet, I crumble off of them the moment I do.

My grandfather himself though.. he was such an amazing, healthy guy.. at pushing 88, he was still able to drive and walk without any dependence on anything. I just... can't put it into exact words the greatness of him. Just like I can't believe the magnitude of my sadness.

I'm sorry my words have failed you, Grandfather.. The sadness is almost overwhelming.. if only I was in a better frame of mind..

Rest well, Grandfather..