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Hell
18 years ago
We're out of the "spacious apartment" and now we have a huge place of our own. It's a constant struggle, but hey, it's home.
My computer had a flathead screwdriver jabbed in the motherboard, but hey, that's only $140 or so to fix.
And just when I thought things were going bad...
Well, our rat Hudson died a few months ago. He was about four (that's really old for a rat!). And just a few days ago our other rat Kiler died. Resin had them both at the same time, I believe they were from the same mother, but I can't recall.
So let's see... counting. Well, we had taken in a stray cat. She was pregnant and had a litter of four. Three of the four kittens died from respitory infection, I guess it's supposed to be common in kittens. This was after Hudson died and it's still not easy seeing animals die, even worse if they're close. So them, Hudson and Kiler. Five dead animals in about four months or less.
And now Cyrx.
I've never really cried when someone died. Not for my grandmother or other relatives. I'm not sure that I'm as good with emotions as other people. But Cyrx was different, he was part of me. I've never cried like that, and I never thought he'd be dead so soon.
Cyrx lived in an abusive home from the start of his life. That first owner sat on him, cut his spikes and burned him from what I had heard. Sad thing is, I knew that kid who did it and needless to say I hated him after. His second owner was a close friend of mine by the name of Brandon Baskette. Brandon... he's a good guy. But he did not know one bit how to take care of an iguana.
When I saw Cyrx in the tank I told Brandon, "You know he's going to die if you don't take care of him, right?". A few moments later Brandon told me I could have him. I don't even remember what they called Cyrx before I took him in my care, but from that moment on he was mine. I nursed him back to health with some tofu, pedialite, greens and some fruity treats every rare once in a while. Well, he had looked like skin and bones, and now he was fat and full of muscle. I took him to the vet and had a absess on the tip of his snout and side of his lower jaw removed. They asked me if I wanted to have a culture sent to a lab and tested. When I said yes after hearing the costs, they seemed surprised. When I asked the receptionist why they were surprised they told me that no one had ever had a culture sample sent to a lab before from an iguana. I not too many people in that suburb of L.A. care about iguanas. I don't remember how much I spent that visit, but it didn't matter. I'm closer to Cyrx than I am most people. Sometimes, excluding friend, I could say I really couldn't give a shit about most people. He may have not been able to talk, know how much I loved him or even realize that I saved him more than once. But Cyrx meant enough to me to save me once when I was feeling stupidly depressed. I cared for him so much that I decided I couldn't leave him alone. NO ONE would be able to take care of him like me. No one cared about him like I did, so I couldn't leave him alone.
Why did he have to go so early?
If I were to estimate from the age of thirteen when I first had him... and his previous owners... I'd guess that he was about ten years old. ...I heard that iguanas can live up to twenty-five years old. I don't know if that's true, but it really is my fault Cyrx died. I know I saved him, but a part of me can't get over the fact that it's still my fault he died. I feel neglectful. How could I be so careless over someone I held so dear?
It was an absess inside his mouth this time. I didn't notice it till it was too late, but I really should of noticed his lack of eating. And I did but... I thought "I've seen this before. He goes into phases like that. He'll be fine." How could I get so cocky? Just because I had caught it in time before I really believed he'd be ok? Well... this time I had a five day trip an hour away for my job. And... when I got back and Cyrx was really bad I found out there were no vets that could take care of Reptiles in or near my town. The only vet who was a good choice was out of the state until Thursday. Today. Today was too late and so was yesterday.
He still looked alive but... it's a bit different when you don't see someone's lungs move and their eyes half-open. I don't even remember all the things going through my head while I was cying except that... as pathetic as it sounds -- I would believe in god, and afterlife or anything just to give Cyrx some more time with me. Or to at least have been able to talk to him and tell him I was sorry or know he'd be ok... or anything other than him being dead. I'm even crying now. Honestly, I don't cry much, and it's a good thing too. It gives me a headache and it's annoying.
I can't explain how much I loved Cyrx and here, maybe a few people might be to understand at least. But I'm going to miss him so much. Why couldn't I have done something sooner? I'm an idiot. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I'm sorry Cyrx, and I love you with all that I am.
I really, really do.
~Cyrx/Velo
My computer had a flathead screwdriver jabbed in the motherboard, but hey, that's only $140 or so to fix.
And just when I thought things were going bad...
Well, our rat Hudson died a few months ago. He was about four (that's really old for a rat!). And just a few days ago our other rat Kiler died. Resin had them both at the same time, I believe they were from the same mother, but I can't recall.
So let's see... counting. Well, we had taken in a stray cat. She was pregnant and had a litter of four. Three of the four kittens died from respitory infection, I guess it's supposed to be common in kittens. This was after Hudson died and it's still not easy seeing animals die, even worse if they're close. So them, Hudson and Kiler. Five dead animals in about four months or less.
And now Cyrx.
I've never really cried when someone died. Not for my grandmother or other relatives. I'm not sure that I'm as good with emotions as other people. But Cyrx was different, he was part of me. I've never cried like that, and I never thought he'd be dead so soon.
Cyrx lived in an abusive home from the start of his life. That first owner sat on him, cut his spikes and burned him from what I had heard. Sad thing is, I knew that kid who did it and needless to say I hated him after. His second owner was a close friend of mine by the name of Brandon Baskette. Brandon... he's a good guy. But he did not know one bit how to take care of an iguana.
When I saw Cyrx in the tank I told Brandon, "You know he's going to die if you don't take care of him, right?". A few moments later Brandon told me I could have him. I don't even remember what they called Cyrx before I took him in my care, but from that moment on he was mine. I nursed him back to health with some tofu, pedialite, greens and some fruity treats every rare once in a while. Well, he had looked like skin and bones, and now he was fat and full of muscle. I took him to the vet and had a absess on the tip of his snout and side of his lower jaw removed. They asked me if I wanted to have a culture sent to a lab and tested. When I said yes after hearing the costs, they seemed surprised. When I asked the receptionist why they were surprised they told me that no one had ever had a culture sample sent to a lab before from an iguana. I not too many people in that suburb of L.A. care about iguanas. I don't remember how much I spent that visit, but it didn't matter. I'm closer to Cyrx than I am most people. Sometimes, excluding friend, I could say I really couldn't give a shit about most people. He may have not been able to talk, know how much I loved him or even realize that I saved him more than once. But Cyrx meant enough to me to save me once when I was feeling stupidly depressed. I cared for him so much that I decided I couldn't leave him alone. NO ONE would be able to take care of him like me. No one cared about him like I did, so I couldn't leave him alone.
Why did he have to go so early?
If I were to estimate from the age of thirteen when I first had him... and his previous owners... I'd guess that he was about ten years old. ...I heard that iguanas can live up to twenty-five years old. I don't know if that's true, but it really is my fault Cyrx died. I know I saved him, but a part of me can't get over the fact that it's still my fault he died. I feel neglectful. How could I be so careless over someone I held so dear?
It was an absess inside his mouth this time. I didn't notice it till it was too late, but I really should of noticed his lack of eating. And I did but... I thought "I've seen this before. He goes into phases like that. He'll be fine." How could I get so cocky? Just because I had caught it in time before I really believed he'd be ok? Well... this time I had a five day trip an hour away for my job. And... when I got back and Cyrx was really bad I found out there were no vets that could take care of Reptiles in or near my town. The only vet who was a good choice was out of the state until Thursday. Today. Today was too late and so was yesterday.
He still looked alive but... it's a bit different when you don't see someone's lungs move and their eyes half-open. I don't even remember all the things going through my head while I was cying except that... as pathetic as it sounds -- I would believe in god, and afterlife or anything just to give Cyrx some more time with me. Or to at least have been able to talk to him and tell him I was sorry or know he'd be ok... or anything other than him being dead. I'm even crying now. Honestly, I don't cry much, and it's a good thing too. It gives me a headache and it's annoying.
I can't explain how much I loved Cyrx and here, maybe a few people might be to understand at least. But I'm going to miss him so much. Why couldn't I have done something sooner? I'm an idiot. I don't know what I'm going to do without him. I'm sorry Cyrx, and I love you with all that I am.
I really, really do.
~Cyrx/Velo
Styx
~styx
That is so sad, I'm so sorry you lost him. I'm the exact same way with my dog and I'm really attatched to a lot of my geckos so I understand the way you felt about him, but not about people because I'm the same way. It must have been really tough for you. Hope you're doing better now.
Velociraptor
~velociraptor
OP
Sure, I'm better now. I've had enough time to let Cyrx go. Life is still draining and hellish. So once in a while (whenever it's available) I'll smoke and just relax. I don't really like smoking with excuses such as, "Oh, I smoke to forget" or "I need it to relax" -- But lately it sure does seem to make me smile like I used to. But thank you for the sympathy. In time all things heal, but I'll still remember him.
