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Vehicular Fawnicide...
14 years ago
I feel absolutely rotten. Yesterday on my way to work I was poking my radio buttons, looked up in time to see a fawn about 4 inches away from my bumper, darting out across the road. Bad things can happen in an instant. I hit her, but didnt run over her, I nearly broke the break lines in my car and now my breaks are really in need of replacing after I pounded on them so damn hard. That poor little baby! I pulled over and ran back to check her and she didnt want me near her, a good sign I thought.
On closer inspection I couldnt find anything broken but she had her fur rubbed off in places from the asphalt. I picked her up thinking I could keep her propped up instead of laying down, I didnt know if deer were like horses or not.... how their organs crush each other when they lay flat out..... so Im kneeling in wet grass, in my work clothes, holding up this baby.... and people.... she weighed LESS than my 45lb nephew.... or so it felt like to me.... maybe it was adrenaline.... maybe I just dont remember clearly.
All I really know is she went into heart failure, it raced nearly out of her little chest, then slowed down and she couldnt keep her head up. An older couple stopped to see if I needed help, and so did a younger girl about my age.... but there was NOTHING we could do. She basically died in my arms sitting on my lap.
To make matters even more disturbing, she was the baby that was born just about a month or 6weeks ago ON MY PROPERTY! I watched her momma come down off the hillside and into the woods by our brook... and the next day she was thinner, so we knew she had dropped her fawn in the woods.
It was one of the MOST heartwrenching things I have ever witnessed. I wish I could have done more, I wish I wasnt going 30mph.... I have to hope she didnt suffer too much, as she passed less than 15 minutes after I hit her.
Every time I let my mind wander or stop focusing intently on something I can see her back and legs curled up under her in front of me.... and her tiny hooves with blood on them...
I feel absolutely awful.
My dad is a hunter of whitetail.... he made a comment this morning about how "So I hear you killed bambi" I didnt cry but I did yell at him. I dont care if I DO eat venison and I DO have 8 mounted bucks throughout out house. Accidentally killing that baby was horrible! I had really hoped she was just stunned.....
And to make it worse, my aunt and uncle (who live next door) said when they came home last night, the Momma was standing there by her baby wondering why it wouldnt get up.
Stupid Momma deer! Why do you have to get up and traverse roads at 1pm in the middle of a HOT afternoon? I thought deer liked to bed down in the afternoons and sleep because they foraged at night.
I've gone from wanting to kill something because of the Casey Anthony verdict, to less than 24 hours later... actually taking the life of a baby.... Granted it was a deer, but we ALL have our place in the world damnit. And I still feel miserable.
Anyone wanna commission me so I can think about something else for a while?
On closer inspection I couldnt find anything broken but she had her fur rubbed off in places from the asphalt. I picked her up thinking I could keep her propped up instead of laying down, I didnt know if deer were like horses or not.... how their organs crush each other when they lay flat out..... so Im kneeling in wet grass, in my work clothes, holding up this baby.... and people.... she weighed LESS than my 45lb nephew.... or so it felt like to me.... maybe it was adrenaline.... maybe I just dont remember clearly.
All I really know is she went into heart failure, it raced nearly out of her little chest, then slowed down and she couldnt keep her head up. An older couple stopped to see if I needed help, and so did a younger girl about my age.... but there was NOTHING we could do. She basically died in my arms sitting on my lap.
To make matters even more disturbing, she was the baby that was born just about a month or 6weeks ago ON MY PROPERTY! I watched her momma come down off the hillside and into the woods by our brook... and the next day she was thinner, so we knew she had dropped her fawn in the woods.
It was one of the MOST heartwrenching things I have ever witnessed. I wish I could have done more, I wish I wasnt going 30mph.... I have to hope she didnt suffer too much, as she passed less than 15 minutes after I hit her.
Every time I let my mind wander or stop focusing intently on something I can see her back and legs curled up under her in front of me.... and her tiny hooves with blood on them...
I feel absolutely awful.
My dad is a hunter of whitetail.... he made a comment this morning about how "So I hear you killed bambi" I didnt cry but I did yell at him. I dont care if I DO eat venison and I DO have 8 mounted bucks throughout out house. Accidentally killing that baby was horrible! I had really hoped she was just stunned.....
And to make it worse, my aunt and uncle (who live next door) said when they came home last night, the Momma was standing there by her baby wondering why it wouldnt get up.
Stupid Momma deer! Why do you have to get up and traverse roads at 1pm in the middle of a HOT afternoon? I thought deer liked to bed down in the afternoons and sleep because they foraged at night.
I've gone from wanting to kill something because of the Casey Anthony verdict, to less than 24 hours later... actually taking the life of a baby.... Granted it was a deer, but we ALL have our place in the world damnit. And I still feel miserable.
Anyone wanna commission me so I can think about something else for a while?
*hug* I'd commission you but I really can't so all I can say is go draw something. Anything. Maybe something of Zolena or even an anthro baby deer as some kind of tribute. Just try to calm down and make peace of it
Thank you so much for your kind words though, they do mean alot and I dont get to talk to many of my watchers because no one comments anymore :)
*hugs* Maybe Ill draw a baby deer and name her Caylee. That might satisfy the raging angry feelings and the depressed emotionally distraught feelings lol.
I don't get much in the way of actual conversations with my watchers these days anyway *pout* I guess they're more "wow good job!" people than anything else. I'd rather hold actual chats lol has more meaning to me