The beginning of June seemed like the best time of my life. I had a ball at Califur, graduated High School, spent most of my time outside of the wreck that is my house, and strengthened a lot of connections.

Now at the beginning of July, the backside of all the happiness has finally caught up with me. My emotions were running high at Califur, and a lot of what I enjoyed about being there has backfired on me. I got caught up in something stupid, and got my feelings involved somewhere they never should have been. And I've just realized how painful the result is. My trust is shot, and I'm suspicious of people now who I've trusted for years. It isn't even their fault.

Graduating meant a lot of thing. Today I said goodbye to a friend, and realized that soon I'll be saying goodbye to dozens of them as we all go in separate directions with our lives. But I'm staying here, taking a year off to work, because unlike my friends I can't afford to go to college.

Staying here for another year means staying with a 'family' that is really just a collection of related people who are too different from one another to make anything work.

Years ago, I had people I could run to. I had a place I could leave and go to, far away, where someone would be there waiting. And now, when I need it, I don't. And if I feel this alone now, I dread how I'm going to feel when the people I love go away too.

I'm going to try getting out of the house for now. Later, when they all leave, maybe I'll leave the country for a while. A change of scenery and living on the cheap where no one knows me sounds like just what I might need.