This person was a big influence on my life. He pulled me out of my worst spots, gave me another option when I felt there were none left, and inspired me to be the person I am today. I don't know where I would be if he hadn't been in my life. But what's funny is that after he left, on my 17th birthday, I started to live an entirely different life. My friend group changed, I took new risks, got interested in new and interesting things. Ive met a lot of new people since then, finally written down most of my book, and experienced life in ways I didn't think a person could. I missed him every day, and I still miss him most days. I probably always will. But tonight, I am just grateful to have known him at all.

I'm not sure how else to describe him, or even why I'm trying to. Maybe so I can look back at this journal sometime and remember how I feel right now. He was an imaginary friend, guardian angel, spiritual guide, and the thing I loved most about life, all rolled into one. Now I love who I am, and where I am.

I was thinking about him today, mostly because I got a letter in the mail that I wrote to myself when I was in 8th grade. There was the usual thing about my boyfriend at the time, how school was going, questions I wished I knew the answers to. And a picture I had drawn of this person.

I thought about all the things that had changed, and realized a few opportunities that I was sure he would want me to take. And I could have sworn for just a moment that I heard his voice, giving me some sound advice.

"Don't fuck up."

I promise I won't. Not too badly anyway ;P