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A huge mess of things that have been on my mind.
14 years ago
Well lately I've been thinking about a lot of things, sucks that it has to be at night cause I lose a lot of sleep due to this.
Well let me start with me, I keep on thinking I'm worthless, and that bad luck seems to follow me a lot. I know that's not the case, but I can't seem to get out of that mindset. I wanna find a happier version of life instead of always feeling like a loser and that I can't accomplish anything. Which again I know isn't true, but I can't get my mind off of it.
I've been having weird dreams at night too, oddly they are only bits and pieces, never a full dream. Maybe I'm having doubts about something, and that's my brains way of telling me it. Although I won't talk about the dreams, they are really weird. Also 90% of the time my dreams are of me walking alone in blank empty space, for what seems a endless abyss.
Also told a friend something that I didn't want to, but I did at the same time. I'm just glad I was able to say it, although it means nothing (at least I don't think it does) I'm still kind of over worried about it because I wanna know .... nvm. I over worry a lot lets just put it that way.
I'm trying to find a means to stay happy, but I can't find one alone. Also I'm very untruthful to myself a lot, I shouldn't be that way but I dunno.
Also I'm thinking if nothing else works, then I'm also 100% certain I'll be back with my parents. As much as I don't want it to happen, I think they will be less strict on me, and let me do what I want to do. I really want to try college, and see if that will help me better my chances in life with the economy. I doubt it though, just like I doubt a lot of things. Oh the wonders of my mind.
Well offically, I think I can say my first "fuskrcon01" will happen in August, on the 6th. I can't wait for that, a entire week with my Bf, it's going to be epic. If anything can put a smile on my face, besides a few un-named people (you know who you are) He is the one person that can make me smile. My bf is wonder, and I do love him very much. Been together for over 3 years now, and it is insane. I hope it does last a while.
Well let me start with me, I keep on thinking I'm worthless, and that bad luck seems to follow me a lot. I know that's not the case, but I can't seem to get out of that mindset. I wanna find a happier version of life instead of always feeling like a loser and that I can't accomplish anything. Which again I know isn't true, but I can't get my mind off of it.
I've been having weird dreams at night too, oddly they are only bits and pieces, never a full dream. Maybe I'm having doubts about something, and that's my brains way of telling me it. Although I won't talk about the dreams, they are really weird. Also 90% of the time my dreams are of me walking alone in blank empty space, for what seems a endless abyss.
Also told a friend something that I didn't want to, but I did at the same time. I'm just glad I was able to say it, although it means nothing (at least I don't think it does) I'm still kind of over worried about it because I wanna know .... nvm. I over worry a lot lets just put it that way.
I'm trying to find a means to stay happy, but I can't find one alone. Also I'm very untruthful to myself a lot, I shouldn't be that way but I dunno.
Also I'm thinking if nothing else works, then I'm also 100% certain I'll be back with my parents. As much as I don't want it to happen, I think they will be less strict on me, and let me do what I want to do. I really want to try college, and see if that will help me better my chances in life with the economy. I doubt it though, just like I doubt a lot of things. Oh the wonders of my mind.
Well offically, I think I can say my first "fuskrcon01" will happen in August, on the 6th. I can't wait for that, a entire week with my Bf, it's going to be epic. If anything can put a smile on my face, besides a few un-named people (you know who you are) He is the one person that can make me smile. My bf is wonder, and I do love him very much. Been together for over 3 years now, and it is insane. I hope it does last a while.
Idk, I haven't talked to you in awhile, I read your journals and hope for the best for you though >:
and I have 3 more weeks of JC and i'm done for good!
I'm hoping to leave with a job D: already talked to someone and called staples today.