Well I'm pretty sure I have one, although I already knew something was up anyways. I was reading a book on it, and I'm sure a lot of problems around my house, lifestyle, and other things are causing it. Sadly I can't get away from those things, so I'm stuck dealing with sleepless nights.

I dunno why I'm stuck with such a bad thing, and frankly I think it is caused from my stress, over obessive amounts od caffinee and other stuff. I wanna be able to have a full nights sleep, but that hasen't happen in a long time, probably since I was in school was the last time I had a good nights sleep. I dunno what to do about it, I could go get help, but in order to do that I need insurence, and here is the stupid part. [They want me to prove I'm jobless to get free masshealth] Here is the issue, "I can't prove I'm not working" I hate the goverment and there loopholes.

I dunno what to do anymore, I figure, well fuck it, might as well just stay up all the time, and just go insane. Everytime I try to sleep at night it's just the same thing, I just sit there in the dark just looking up at black empty space. Plus people are hounding me to get a job, so I hate to wake up on a set time even if I don't get sleep, so it's a lose lose situation for me regardless. *sighs* I wanna take a hammer and just bash my skull a few times till I pass out, it's horrible.

I dunno what to do anymore, at this point I'm just thinking it would be better to go without sleep, and just go crazy. Trying to sleep is a hassle now, and I don't even find it a joy. When I do sleep, I only sleep for like 15 minutes and randomly wake up, or when I do sleep, I get woken up by my roomys grandma and her loud T.V. I've told her several times not to turn it up so loud, but she does every time. It's making me get to the point where I wanna kill her, that's right I Said it, I wanna kill someone. I can't help feeling angry all the time, I just wanna get away from all this BS but I can't, I'm trapped. Or the other problem happens which is I wake up having horrible kidney pains, and I know that is caused from kidney stones (which I've had before) The doctor said they come back from time to time, so I might be getting them again. :( Or the last one which I don't mind is waking up with a hardon. LOL


I'm going insane I swear. Life just sucks badly right now, and if my roomy tells me one more time that "Oh, it can be worse." I'm going to punch him in the face. NO, it can't get worse I'm at the lowest of the low, everything si driving me nuts and my one safe place/people I can go to are far away.