I guess this is as good a place to post this so here goes. For those of you who were wondering, at the rate things have been deteriorating with my "friends" it looks like Furry Fiesta 2012 possibly Rainfurrest 2012 will be my last furry convention, unless things drastically change (which I highly doubt) The reason for this is because I'm really not seeing a point or a reason to continue doing this anymore. At first it seemed like a place to build friendships and hang with people who have similar interests ect. but as the years have gone by I am starting to see that a lot of what I have found in furry has no real substance and I am finding that I have very little in common with people in the furry community. Don't get me wrong there are some of you out there that I will miss very very much and to you I only wish you the very best.

The main reason that caused me to reach this decision is that as you may or may not know, I recently reached a critical point in my life that has allowed me to see things much clearer than I had previosly seen things (being faced with the specter of death tends to have that affect on a person). In that darkest time in my life it became extremely clear to me who were my true friends and who, to my dismay turned out to simply be friends either out of obligation or convenience. In these past few months i have been evaluating my life, and thinking about the impact or diffence I have made in the 41 years I've been on this earth, and honestly the reality of the conclusions I reached made me rethink my life. Also, realizing that I might be leaving this world only to find out no one would even know or care I was gone was a painful realization to me. Compounding the problem was the fact I had no family or support structure to turn in my time of need and on top of that to find out people who i cared very deeply for and who I honestly thought cared hurt me more than I can bare. All that and the possibity of dying age 41, alone. I hope you will never know the pain of feeling like you are alone in the world, its the worse felling ever. Anyhow those are the facts. That being said, those of you who truely know me understand the reasons I tend not to be quick to open up to people. It's for those same reasons I need to step back to reset a lot of areas of my life. I know my true friends will continue to talk to me and continue being friends, while the "fair weather" friends will quickly dismiss me or find reason to avoid me and eventually stop talking to me altogether honestly I welcome that purge and I wish you the best. I honestly don't wish to upset anyone nor am I mad at anyone. Some of you will never truly know how much you meant to me while others I know now will have no problem writting just me off and I suppose you have that right too and you are free to do so. I guess what saddens me is how quick people are to do that depite everything you go through with them it's all meaningless, I suppose at the end of the day when things get dark and troublesome you quickly find out who your real friends are and which friends had no really substance there beyond you being someone to talk to to keep them from being bored or being someone to hang out until something better came along. A sad but true reality with a lot of people.

So, what's next? Well for now I need to focus my efforts on things that are more productive and have more substance. I also need to focus in my health so I don't truly wind up dead this time. It's been an intresting run for me and while I have made a few friends here I feel the majority of my experiences with people in the furry community have caused me more heartache than joy and with no pun intended I feel the "cons" have finally out weighed the pros for continuing down this path. I truly wish you all the best and I hope you find all the joy and happiness life can offer. Just never forget what's important in life.

Thanks to those of you who we kind enough to support me as an artist. I really appreciate it but I have run my course and I need to cut my losses and put this part of my life behind me. This path clearly has no future for me. Good bye and best wishes.

Kindest regards,

Albert C Pena AKA Balto