FA+
Shop
Something New
14 years ago
I'm not a perfect human being. I never claimed to be. But I do the very best I'm able to do under the circumstances. Even if I'm terrible at it, nobody can fault me for not trying.
I try very hard at everything I do. Sometimes I try too hard and screw up. Nothing I've ever done for the first time has come easily to me, and I'm generally better at understanding than I am at doing. But one thing I can say with absolute certainty is that I've never made the same mistake twice.
Usually when I do things, I do them awkwardly. Carefully. I take great care in everything I do. I attend to every detail. Oftentimes that leaves me doing something slowly or strangely, especially if it's something I have little experience with. But that attention to detail, that carefulness, that hanging on every moment... that's how I learn. That's how I've always learned.
I'm deficient in a lot of ways because of this. I can rarely do something quickly. When forced into haste, my mind wants to take in everything, too much, too fast. It's not that I'm incapable of acting, it's that my actions demand my entire brain. I don't know why that is, but it's how I've always been, whether by some fault in my upbringing or from inherent brain structure. My best guess is the latter, but my hopes are the former. The latter can at least be remedied, while the former is something I have to live with.
This has always caused me problems. I'd say I was mentally handicapped except for the fact that I have an extraordinary ability for learning and retaining knowledge, I'm gifted with numbers, and I possess superhuman patience. I can learn and remember anything because I focus, I pay attention. I pay extraordinary attention. And I don't give up, even when others tell me I should.
People often made fun of me for this. I was on an entirely different planet from everyone else, often confused by the things others said or did. I lacked the same instincts and sensibilities that my peers had. I was self assured in my way of doing things and looking at the world, and when someone tried to tell me otherwise, I let them know how I felt. I got into a lot of fights over this, and I lost most of them.
So when I find myself faced with something new, I do what comes naturally: I observe, I learn, and I act. If that doesn't work, I modify my strategy and act again. And I keep acting until I find a strategy that works. If I fuck up, I keep going. I never let being wrong stop me from going forward. I'm allowed to make mistakes.
I have to look at the world this way. It's my way of understanding. I get stuck sometimes. I don't always have the best habits or the best ideas, but there's nothing I can do about that. I just have to keep going and keep learning. It's all I've ever done and it's all I can do. I've come a long way. I have a lot further to go.
Bunny signing out.
I try very hard at everything I do. Sometimes I try too hard and screw up. Nothing I've ever done for the first time has come easily to me, and I'm generally better at understanding than I am at doing. But one thing I can say with absolute certainty is that I've never made the same mistake twice.
Usually when I do things, I do them awkwardly. Carefully. I take great care in everything I do. I attend to every detail. Oftentimes that leaves me doing something slowly or strangely, especially if it's something I have little experience with. But that attention to detail, that carefulness, that hanging on every moment... that's how I learn. That's how I've always learned.
I'm deficient in a lot of ways because of this. I can rarely do something quickly. When forced into haste, my mind wants to take in everything, too much, too fast. It's not that I'm incapable of acting, it's that my actions demand my entire brain. I don't know why that is, but it's how I've always been, whether by some fault in my upbringing or from inherent brain structure. My best guess is the latter, but my hopes are the former. The latter can at least be remedied, while the former is something I have to live with.
This has always caused me problems. I'd say I was mentally handicapped except for the fact that I have an extraordinary ability for learning and retaining knowledge, I'm gifted with numbers, and I possess superhuman patience. I can learn and remember anything because I focus, I pay attention. I pay extraordinary attention. And I don't give up, even when others tell me I should.
People often made fun of me for this. I was on an entirely different planet from everyone else, often confused by the things others said or did. I lacked the same instincts and sensibilities that my peers had. I was self assured in my way of doing things and looking at the world, and when someone tried to tell me otherwise, I let them know how I felt. I got into a lot of fights over this, and I lost most of them.
So when I find myself faced with something new, I do what comes naturally: I observe, I learn, and I act. If that doesn't work, I modify my strategy and act again. And I keep acting until I find a strategy that works. If I fuck up, I keep going. I never let being wrong stop me from going forward. I'm allowed to make mistakes.
I have to look at the world this way. It's my way of understanding. I get stuck sometimes. I don't always have the best habits or the best ideas, but there's nothing I can do about that. I just have to keep going and keep learning. It's all I've ever done and it's all I can do. I've come a long way. I have a lot further to go.
Bunny signing out.
