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Run-down
14 years ago
Hey guys. Long time no... nothing?
Basically, this is a run-down on what's been going on with me and why everything is so quiet. I don't really like sharing what goes on in my personal life because having people worry about me just makes me feel terrible, so I might even delete this journal shortly after writing it. You don't have to read it, but I figured some people might be curious as to what's going on anyways?
As for me: For the past few months, I've been... homeless. :S I don't have my own car and can't drive, which makes it even more difficult. At first I was house-hopping around town with just a big duffel bag and my 3 cats until
kilometers very graciously let me stay with him in, but since returning to my town, I've had nowhere to stay but a shady motel. I used to safely live in a house with 5 other renters before all this happened, but I've since then been forbidden from living there because I have cats. The landlords also found "something illegal" and blamed it on me. I never found out what it really was, and I've never done anything drug or smoke-related in my life (( I'm seriously allergic to cigarette smoke! )). The house has had many renters for the past 7+ years, so I have no idea why they specifically blamed me. I have nowhere else to go besides this house, but since I'm not allowed there, I feel like a fugitive, always on the run and always on the move, having to hide my presence everywhere I go. ;_;
My art: You might have noticed that it's stopped. That's because I haven't been drawing. My tablet suddenly broke a month ago, and even though at the time it was still covered by the 2-year warranty, Wacom hasn't taken any action to fixing it, even though I've already sent it in and they confirmed that they received it. I just don't know what to do. Drawing digital commissions was my only income, and I can no longer afford to get another tablet. Normally, I would just do a bunch of commissions to earn the money to get a new one, but now I can't even do that. I don't even have any way of selling traditional art since I only have my basic essentials on me, and I'm constantly traveling, so without my tablet, I feel so stuck.
My cats: This is the part that pains me the most. I have 3 cats. Or at least, I used to. During my stay with kilometers, he was a swell guy and was able to keep one of my cats with him, which will probably be until further notice (( thanks again Kiro. I really miss him. :< )). As for the other 2, at first I was house-hopping and hotel-rooming with them, but it's gotten to be too much. I'm okay with always being on the move, but I know animals react to it differently, and if I'm this stressed, I can only imagine how stressed they must be. They've been forced to move from place to place with me for months, non-stop. This is something I never wanted to do, but just today I had to put them both in a shelter because I had no other option. I love these cats, I've had them for so long and they are like family to me, and they make me so happy, but I could no longer keep them. I made sure the shelter was a no-kill animal shelter, but still, it kills me that I had to do this. I never once thought it would ever come to this, and I had always imagined growing old with them together. Now they're just gone... I will never see my cats again. They've always been beside me during these hard times. They were my friends, my family. It feels so unreal.
I just feel like I've lost everything. I feel like no one wants me to be alive. I honestly don't know what to do. Just typing this is making me choke up. I'm trying so hard, but no matter what I do, I keep getting stuck. I'm not asking for pity and I'm not wallowing around, I'm mostly just afraid of anyone worrying about me or thinking any less of me by posting this. I probably sound like one big contradiction. These past few months have been so very hard on me, and I'm not sure what will happen or where I'll be in the future, let alone tomorrow. Hopefully some place better. I'm sorry if you read this whole sob-story, but at the same time, thank you for reading it anyways.
Basically, this is a run-down on what's been going on with me and why everything is so quiet. I don't really like sharing what goes on in my personal life because having people worry about me just makes me feel terrible, so I might even delete this journal shortly after writing it. You don't have to read it, but I figured some people might be curious as to what's going on anyways?
As for me: For the past few months, I've been... homeless. :S I don't have my own car and can't drive, which makes it even more difficult. At first I was house-hopping around town with just a big duffel bag and my 3 cats until
kilometers very graciously let me stay with him in, but since returning to my town, I've had nowhere to stay but a shady motel. I used to safely live in a house with 5 other renters before all this happened, but I've since then been forbidden from living there because I have cats. The landlords also found "something illegal" and blamed it on me. I never found out what it really was, and I've never done anything drug or smoke-related in my life (( I'm seriously allergic to cigarette smoke! )). The house has had many renters for the past 7+ years, so I have no idea why they specifically blamed me. I have nowhere else to go besides this house, but since I'm not allowed there, I feel like a fugitive, always on the run and always on the move, having to hide my presence everywhere I go. ;_;My art: You might have noticed that it's stopped. That's because I haven't been drawing. My tablet suddenly broke a month ago, and even though at the time it was still covered by the 2-year warranty, Wacom hasn't taken any action to fixing it, even though I've already sent it in and they confirmed that they received it. I just don't know what to do. Drawing digital commissions was my only income, and I can no longer afford to get another tablet. Normally, I would just do a bunch of commissions to earn the money to get a new one, but now I can't even do that. I don't even have any way of selling traditional art since I only have my basic essentials on me, and I'm constantly traveling, so without my tablet, I feel so stuck.
My cats: This is the part that pains me the most. I have 3 cats. Or at least, I used to. During my stay with
kilometers, he was a swell guy and was able to keep one of my cats with him, which will probably be until further notice (( thanks again Kiro. I really miss him. :< )). As for the other 2, at first I was house-hopping and hotel-rooming with them, but it's gotten to be too much. I'm okay with always being on the move, but I know animals react to it differently, and if I'm this stressed, I can only imagine how stressed they must be. They've been forced to move from place to place with me for months, non-stop. This is something I never wanted to do, but just today I had to put them both in a shelter because I had no other option. I love these cats, I've had them for so long and they are like family to me, and they make me so happy, but I could no longer keep them. I made sure the shelter was a no-kill animal shelter, but still, it kills me that I had to do this. I never once thought it would ever come to this, and I had always imagined growing old with them together. Now they're just gone... I will never see my cats again. They've always been beside me during these hard times. They were my friends, my family. It feels so unreal.I just feel like I've lost everything. I feel like no one wants me to be alive. I honestly don't know what to do. Just typing this is making me choke up. I'm trying so hard, but no matter what I do, I keep getting stuck. I'm not asking for pity and I'm not wallowing around, I'm mostly just afraid of anyone worrying about me or thinking any less of me by posting this. I probably sound like one big contradiction. These past few months have been so very hard on me, and I'm not sure what will happen or where I'll be in the future, let alone tomorrow. Hopefully some place better. I'm sorry if you read this whole sob-story, but at the same time, thank you for reading it anyways.
is the hardest thing you can ever go
but there an important step you got to do
That simple task is to keep your head up
and know that there will be better day
sure right now where you stay
but not be the best source, okay
Don't let anything get you down
there are places that are safe
and helping hands around around
so never let the stress get you down
Check our churches for help
or communty centers for aid
There are even online places to give your cats a stay
wit ha foster family until you get back on your feet
I wish I could do more
so my advice to you is
there is always a solution if you look
even if it has to be for help from a friend
or a person you just can't stand
Still if you need any help send me a note I am
sure there are somethings I can aid in even if its
information on a better place to crash at for a few
to be there for one another
its the only way to make this world better
help is always there for each other
It's a looong story, but it's just me out here. Most of my family are spread all across the US, and I don't want to get into the messy details, but moving back with them is unfortunately not an option, as weird as that may sound. :S
Really sorry to hear your plight~
I couldn't help but read PK's comment down there. You should totally go for her offer! It's better than staying in a motel, right? Maybe you guys could trade off tablets or something for a bit to get some commissions in then, idk. xD
I don't really have any good advice to give, but just know that no one here thinks less of you because you've decided to be a bit open about your personal life, and I know that you have a bunch of people that care about you and want you to feel better.
I had to leave the cats that I spent the last 10 years with, I miss them every day, but they're safe with my parents so I could visit them, and I have a roof over my head and more than enough to eat. I remember you talking about your cats in twitter, but I didn't understand then : (
I cant do much besides give my regards.. maybe draw a trigger.
My heart goes out for your struggle, dont give up; many arms stronger than mine are willing to do what they can I am sure. be safe.
we do want you
i understand you are going through a really really fucked up time
but you will make it im sure of it!
i wish i had better advice to give
but all i can say is keep moving and dont ever give up!
So long as you can think, you've got hope.
I've lost two very important people in my life myself; one was my Dog, the other my Grandfather; it hurts, I know.
I just want you to know, I may not know you, but I care; you are, you feel, so you matter. If you need anything I can provide from afar, ask. I'll do my best - I promise.
You can do anything if you want to badly enough; it may take a little help, but you can do it.
Do you have any other sources of income at the moment?
You can always turn to your family for help, maybe ask them to wire you some money to get on your feet again.
Ahaha, I love my family, but it's actually partially because of them that I'm in this situation! I am seen as the "black sheep" so they haven't supported me once in the past 3 years (( they aren't very keen on taking art seriously )), and for reasons I'd rather leave vague for now, returning to them is not an option. I'm trying, but at the end of my rope here. D:
come on man
GOOD LUCK, CC. I'M ON YOUR SIDE.
In fact, I respect you even more. Traveling around, toughing it out, I could never do ANY of that.
You've been taking care of your misfortunes all by yourself, keeping it to yourself all this time...
That takes physical, mental, and emotional strength and stamina. And it looks like you have A LOT.
I'm glad you wrote a journal letting us know that you're still alive. c:
You are a wonderful, talented, kind person. And I certainly wouldn't want you gone!
What would the world do without you?!
Please do not worry about us worrying. Because I will not worry. I will hope and pray (to whom I do not know).
I will hope, cheer, and pray for your safety, well-being, your cats, and hope you find a sturdy home soon.
And when this hardship comes to an end, and you are able to post again, I'll be there. I'll be there to say,
"Hello." c:
On a side-note: LANDLORDS SUCK SO BAD, UGH.
Wish you and your kitties the better turn of events to come around soon.
If you can't help yourself let others help.
Other than that, just keep on waking up and doing what you can in the morning.
Noone has mentioned it, but if you get antsy with Wacom they might step up their game and get on it faster. I used to work at a repair facility like that and we would bend over backwards, often times breaking company policy to get something back out if the customer was mad enough.
Keep on waking up, keep on taking care of yourself! And don't give up!
HOPE YOU WILL GO BETTER IN THE FUTURE
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND NEVER GIVE UP.EVERYBODY WILL HAVE A HAD TIME IN THE LIFT.WHEN IT PASS,YOU WILL BE MORE STRONG I THINK.
LOVE YOU
One day you'll look back on it as an adventure!!
I don't even know what to say. I just really hope that by now (since I'm replying two weeks late) things have started to turn up. If I could help then I would, but unfortunately my money situation is pretty shitty right now. Just don't let your recent bad luck get you to the point where you start hurting or blaming yourself. I really want things to be great for you. Please take care, and keep us posted!