Drama Llama's Anthrocon Con Report:

Worst. Con. EVER! I really mean it this time- never have I been so HUMILIATED!
I was totally forced to do unspeakable things, but more on that later.

First, let's talk about the trip- I had some air-miles left on an old credit card that were due to expire which I was not about to let happen since I had accumulated for them years by purchasing everything from groceries to utility bills to furry art on the card and even though I never really got around to paying it off (how long does it take to pay off a $4,000 credit card bill if you make the minimum payments anyway?) I had barely enough miles on it to buy a worst-class ticket to Pittsburgh which if I didn't use I was going to lose, which was intolerable.

So, right about the time I found out I needed to use up my miles I got an invitation from an old 'friend' to come to the con, with a promise there would be a shared accommodation waiting for me. So, I cashed in all my miles and, throwing caution to the wind and most of everything I own into a dufflebag got on the flight. Well, TRIED to get on the flight. The first problem came as I was checking my baggage! The ticket agent said it was too big to carry on and they were going to charge me an extra $100 just to check it through one-way! I had never heard of such a thing and tried my best to convince her that it was small enough by using every trick I could think of including suggesting that their tape-measure was out of alignment.

At first I was being very polite and keeping the whining to a minimum but by the end was using my very best outdoor voice and having a borderline tantrum which was drawing stares from the other passengers who were standing in line behind me trying to check in. We finally 'compromised' by me going back outside, taking everything out of my dufflebag and replacing what I could into another bag that would fit into the overhead compartment- this amounted to a toothbrush, a couple toiletry items, some spare socks and underwear, all of which had to fit in a small, tin lunchbox, which I was told was the largest carryon that would fit into the regional jet without me being charged excess baggage fees.

Then, at the Security desk they made me throw out my toothpaste and the hair gel I use to keep my wonderful glossy pelt smooth, unmatted and shiny anyway since I forgot to put them in their dumb little baggie.

They also insisted on performing a full-body patdown which was horrible since Drama Llamas dread physical contact (more on this later). They put their icky blue-gloved hands everywhere on me looking for who knows what and made me feel like I was a terrorist despite the fact that everyone knows Drama Llamas are about as threatening as a can of spray-cheese. I managed to keep my voice down and not argue with them as they threatened me with a cavity search if I wasn't 'cooperative' with their 'enhanced pat-down'.

After my flight was delayed twice, canceled once and then re-routed through Alaska I finally got to Pittsburgh 17 hours later with a very sore neck to find they had lost my bag! I had very little money but managed to find a group of furries who were all taking a cab to the Westin and ducked into the trunk when no one was looking by pretending to be a large, brightly colored and slightly lumpy fursuit.

We only spent two hours in traffic getting to the hotel and then oh my gawd I have never seen so many furries in one place in my life! Everyone was carrying on and running around and having fun-HOW DEPRESSING.
.
I won't talk much more about the actual con except to say that my “shared luxury accommodations” consisted of sharing a dirty mattress in the back of a pickup truck parked at the hotel parking ramp!

Enough said about that, at least it was cheap.

I got harassed, picked on and generally abused every time I wandered around the con! Everyone kept wanting to to to cheer me up and give me hugs and would absolutely not respect my personal space! Even when I told them that Drama Llamas are allergic to hugs and close physical contact in general. We break out in hives! No one cared!

Someone very inconsiderate was walking around spraying some kind of scent that smelled like Big Red cinnamon chewing gum (only worse) all over everything and I don't think I'm ever going to get the smell out of my beautiful curly fur now.

And, what was worst was that on the last night of the con I ran into that silly, overly-happy Buddy Puppy who is turning into the bane of my lonely existence! He grabbed me by the hoof and started dragging me around the con, insisting that I have 'fun' and making it even more difficult for me to maintain a low profile.

And then, Horror of Horrors! He took me up the dance level and there was this big stack of fursuiters laying on the floor and he insisted that I join the pile! I protested vehemently and the next thing I know a bunch of those deranged animal-wannabees grabbed me and shoved me headfirst into the pile while yelling “Llama! Llama! Llama! ” like fluffy, unshaven cannibal pygmy tribesmen. Next thing I know I have furries surrounding me, furries petting me, furries sitting and laying on me and their sweaty, furry paws groping me in places I cannot even describe in public! I was totally TRAUMATIZED! My worst nightmares brought to life! No one would even listen to my shouts of BAD TOUCH and they kept touching me and rubbing on me like some kind of Discovery Channel crazed animal rut video and absolutely sullied my nice clean virgin wool. I finally managed to push myself out of the pile by claiming I had an emergency restroom problem and shakily made my escape back to the soiled truck bed.

I managed to fly home the next day despite nearly missing my flight cuz I couldn't figure out how to set the stupid alarm clock and set it for 5:00 PM instead of AM. Had another 'enhanced' pat-down on the way back (I guess I'm just lucky that way) and this time they confiscated my dirty underwear claiming it was Biohazardous material and that it was unsafe to let me board with them!