I haven't been around much. Wanna know why?

Of course you don't, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. So there.

I quit the Furry Fandom again. Probably nobody even noticed.





I bet you didn't notice either.


*sighs deeply and kicks a rock*



Here's why I left:

I got a call last spring from my so-called "friend" EmoBurd the Emo Emu that Tyco, the Con-chair for Biggest Little Fur Con was trying to get ahold of me and that it was of dire importance that he speak with me immediately. I thought something was fishy, cuz no one in their right mind goes out of their way to attract the attention of a Drama Llama! But it sounded important so I got his number from the Burd.

I got ahold of Tyco and he told me that he wanted to PERSONALLY INVITE ME to be a Guest of Honor at BLFC 2015!! He said it was because I was so well-known in the furry fandom and it seemed like everyone who goes to BLFC was either a Drama Llama themselves, or knew one personally. I was so excited! Finally, someone who could recognize my all hard work and mediocre achievements! They were offering to treat me like Furry royalty, put me up in front of an (presumably) adoring public and, (most importantly) they were gonna pay my way down there, put me up in a room and wine and dine me on the finest alfalfa!

I couldn't believe my fuzzy, adorable banana-shaped ears. Nothing good EVER happens to me! Most of the time I'm trying my hardest just to not get kicked out of a con, and now someone actually invited me to one! Wow. It was too good to be true!

Literally.

*cue ominous music*

So, I get to Reno, full of excitement and hope that for the first time in my miserable, self loathing existence maybe, just maybe I will actually have a shot at becoming a true PopuFur! And then people would like me and want to invite me to room parties so I could drink for free while I complained to everyone about what a lame room party it was.

So... I stepped off the airplane (my flight landed promptly and I didn't get accidentally rerouted to Alpacastan this time) and took the shuttle to the hotel and we didn't even break down or get in a terrible accident on the freeway or anything. I arrived with my spirits up to "gloomy" from my normal "dismal".

Then I got the first piece of bad news: the staff "kind of forgot" to book my room. So, they offered to put me up on an air mattress underneath the skirting of the Security desk at Con Ops, as it was the only piece of hotel floor that wasn't likely to be sticky by the end of the convention. I was mortified at the thought of having to stare at the hairy legs of the con-ops staff when I went to bed, but consoled myself by reminding myself that it was still in fact a free place to sleep. I complained quite a bit anyway. Drama Llamas can't help that.

Turns out that having to stare at their legs was the least of my problems 'cuz I totally forgot how many furry con security guys like to wear Utili-Kilts. Those things should be banned! Also the chili they served con-staff on Thursday night. I can't even begin to describe...never mind.

Anyway, I found out far too late that the con was being run by some ruthlessly authoritarian (yet enthusiastically happy) ursine named Brometheus Bear, who went by the fond nickname of Biggest Little Brother for some reason. He and his regime had heard of me, and they were bound and determined that I would have fun, no matter what the cost or collateral damage!

So, at Opening Ceremonies, I was just taking a call from my Mama Llama, who was worried about me (she's always worried about me) and all of a sudden I was surrounded by the same black-clad Utili-kilted security furries who were earlier pretending to be my friends! They grabbed me without any warning and frog-marched me off to a dark back room and beat me with hoses and the next thing I know they've grabbed this big, ominous looking black helmet studded with tubes and electrodes and transformers and and glowing wires and dildos and other really unpleasant things and stuck it on my head despite my pitiable begging, wailing and squealing in protest.

Then, all I could see was swirling lights and all I could hear was the voice of Littlest Big Brother in my head, telling me to be happy. happy. happy. happy. happy. happy happy. happy. Happy. happy happyhappyhappyhappyhappppppppp....

I don't remember anything else until I landed back at home. My whole body hurt and my head was aching and my mouth tasted like a baby dragon had used it for a potty stool. And then... I got back to my safe basement lair under Mom's house totally exhausted and turned on my computer to find.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zp7MkTi6o8


I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!