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Rant # ( I've lost track...)
14 years ago
General
Welcome to Balto's Journal
You know what never ceases to amaze me about human nature? It's how little character and substance seem to matter to people.
its so rare to find people who really put any stock in a persons character or integrity. Enough so to look past anyones imperfections. In most peoples eyes the "perfect friend" has no flaws, is always there whenever YOU need him and knows what YOU want and never asks or needs anything from YOU. People may deny it but thats what they want and look for in relationships. its nice to deny it but its a fact of human nature only care about #1.
I think part of this is due to the internet and the ability we now have as a society to reach across the nation to more people that we'd normally find in our own back yard. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. Unfortunately (in my experiences) all the internet has manages to do is destroy the value of true friendship. The internet has provided us when an endless supply of "disposable friends" and I believe this has diminished the need for people to building deep and meaningful relationships. After all who needs to care about anyone or things like substance and character when you can just turn on your computer and talk to to anyone when you want to hang out or talk or do anything and finding friends that don't require any effort to maintain so that it would distract the focus from "#1". Then the best part about having friends on tap is once any relationship requires that you care or put any effort or self in to the relationship you can always move on to another and let the good times roll.
Now I don't claim to be perfect but I often try to put some thought in to how people might feel (I'm not always right but I try) I think people have lost the ability to genuinely care or have any degree of compassion for people and realize theres more to life that "playing" and "fun times". Its about the bonds we make with people on this short time we have. Bonds aren't defined by words like FUN or Good times, but rather by words like Loyalty and compassion. Im never amazed by how quick people write other off as soon as a "friend" becomes high maintenance, TRUE friendships are not defined in the good times they are defined in the darkest hours. Friends don't leave you alone with you back against the wall but rather stand at your side when everyone else abandons you. Are we all perfect? No, far from it. I know I am far from perfect and I've made my mistakes as a friend, but one thing I know is I give a damn about people who I call friends, If I'm wrong for expecting people to treat me with the same respect and considerationI show them, well I guess Im just wrong. Its just sometimes disheartening when the people you call friends don't seem to return the same kindness and consideration you show them.
It's so rare to find people who actually put effort in keeping friendships and relationships and not be so quick to avoid you as soon as your friendship starts to become an inconvenience and or starts to interfere with their "fun"
Franky, I make no secret about where I stand with people, I am loyal and kind to people (yes and an occasional pain in the ass) but all I ask is that people show me the same consideration I show them, and don't play mind games with me. if that's too much to ask then maybe I'm not some one you want to be friends with, just don't lead me on. Nothing is more frustrating for me than to have to "wonder" what your intentions are based on the mixed signals I get" If you are not clear with me then I have nothing but your actions to go by so don't be surprised if the "perception" of your actions is the reality I conclude. Id rather you state where you stand with me and be done with it already, rather than drag it out because you're worried about what you might have to "give up" by losing me as a friend.
Anyhow that's a wrap. Now you know what my perspective on friendships. Thanks for reading.
its so rare to find people who really put any stock in a persons character or integrity. Enough so to look past anyones imperfections. In most peoples eyes the "perfect friend" has no flaws, is always there whenever YOU need him and knows what YOU want and never asks or needs anything from YOU. People may deny it but thats what they want and look for in relationships. its nice to deny it but its a fact of human nature only care about #1.
I think part of this is due to the internet and the ability we now have as a society to reach across the nation to more people that we'd normally find in our own back yard. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. Unfortunately (in my experiences) all the internet has manages to do is destroy the value of true friendship. The internet has provided us when an endless supply of "disposable friends" and I believe this has diminished the need for people to building deep and meaningful relationships. After all who needs to care about anyone or things like substance and character when you can just turn on your computer and talk to to anyone when you want to hang out or talk or do anything and finding friends that don't require any effort to maintain so that it would distract the focus from "#1". Then the best part about having friends on tap is once any relationship requires that you care or put any effort or self in to the relationship you can always move on to another and let the good times roll.
Now I don't claim to be perfect but I often try to put some thought in to how people might feel (I'm not always right but I try) I think people have lost the ability to genuinely care or have any degree of compassion for people and realize theres more to life that "playing" and "fun times". Its about the bonds we make with people on this short time we have. Bonds aren't defined by words like FUN or Good times, but rather by words like Loyalty and compassion. Im never amazed by how quick people write other off as soon as a "friend" becomes high maintenance, TRUE friendships are not defined in the good times they are defined in the darkest hours. Friends don't leave you alone with you back against the wall but rather stand at your side when everyone else abandons you. Are we all perfect? No, far from it. I know I am far from perfect and I've made my mistakes as a friend, but one thing I know is I give a damn about people who I call friends, If I'm wrong for expecting people to treat me with the same respect and considerationI show them, well I guess Im just wrong. Its just sometimes disheartening when the people you call friends don't seem to return the same kindness and consideration you show them.
It's so rare to find people who actually put effort in keeping friendships and relationships and not be so quick to avoid you as soon as your friendship starts to become an inconvenience and or starts to interfere with their "fun"
Franky, I make no secret about where I stand with people, I am loyal and kind to people (yes and an occasional pain in the ass) but all I ask is that people show me the same consideration I show them, and don't play mind games with me. if that's too much to ask then maybe I'm not some one you want to be friends with, just don't lead me on. Nothing is more frustrating for me than to have to "wonder" what your intentions are based on the mixed signals I get" If you are not clear with me then I have nothing but your actions to go by so don't be surprised if the "perception" of your actions is the reality I conclude. Id rather you state where you stand with me and be done with it already, rather than drag it out because you're worried about what you might have to "give up" by losing me as a friend.
Anyhow that's a wrap. Now you know what my perspective on friendships. Thanks for reading.
I agree with completely...found myself in a situtation like that right now.
Don't get how people can feel so ok about making someone else feel like crap. ><
I just recently realized how damn lucky I am to have friends who would go through hell and high water for me. Sure we're at eachother's throats a lot of the time but that's all just petty bullshit compared to some of the fucked up crap we've been through together.
It just sickens me some of the people who claim me as a friend though. Ask me for all kinds of favors and advice. And then when I'm at the end of my rope and breaking down they all just go "lol K" and run off to cavort with someone who's not being a Debbie Downer.
Which is when I call the real friends and ask them to watch Tangled with me and eat cookie dough ice cream. :T
I'm sure this is the case in some folks as well, but I've grown up in the complete opposite manner. The internet has supplied me with a lifetime of friends I'd willingly, somehow put myself in front of their dangers compared to the other friends I grew up with in real life - I've been betrayed and backstabbed and bullied by the people I once considered friends. Since then I've moved past that - because the friends I've met in the internet have made me really grow up to be a person I'm happy to look in the eye in the mirror - and in turn, I've met wonderful friends in real life as well. These friends in RL and on the net have become my safety net, the shoulder to cry on, and the persons I'd do the same for.
I am not, however, surprised that there are so many kinds of jerks and douches out there who would only consider friends for face-value or 'ease' of having. There are few gems in the entire vat of coal and rock out there, I suppose. I also agree with the whole mind-games thing; I'd much rather appreciate it if someone told me I was being a nuisance - that was what got me to mature in the first place, instead of thinking I wasn't doing anything wrong with how imperfect/oblivious I was, instead of giving signals that I wouldn't pick up because I'm more dense than a brick.
I'm feeling so bad these days from the isolation that my mental health is declining somewhat. Online I try to be there for my online friends though at times I get burned out helping them through a crisis.
With the odds against my finding what I call a "local friend", how am I ever going to find someone to do things with?
It's good to read about these things, it reminds me about what's important in a relationship as well as to why it's so difficult to find friends.