Just one of those nights I guess. I have a tendency to get lost in thought. I analyze
myself from a point of view beyond myself. One can only see how small an individual is among billions. Then to think that this billion in just one planet in the vast unknown of space and time... It's hard to think my life is anything but a random clump of molecules. There is so much we can't understand and so much we want to explain. I used to be religious to some extent, but after the death of a close friend I wondered why if there was a god would they make someone so innocent and youthful die such a horrible death. Why is the world plague by disease and genocide? Why do people seek power through destruction? Why is it that when I'm laughing with friends and feeling as though I've accomplished something I drive back home to sit alone and realize that it all means nothing. I've yet to experience anything close to love for well over 4 years now. Though some days I'd rather go home to sit in silence. The quiet hum of my computer echoing through the empty space here. I stay awake.. 12am.. 1am.. 2am.. Waiting for something, waiting to do something, but it never comes. Why do I never sleep? Why am I the only one in the crowd sitting alone at a restaurant table staring across at the empty chair? Alas I get to wake to another day of rinse and repeat crap. I should find something to do to occupy my thinking before typing anymore.

Hope everyone's sleeping well.