Alright, forewarning, this will be a journal with the primary purpose of ranting/bitching about my family and how they can majorly piss me off in the course of a single day, so for those of you who don't like to read this kind of crap, I suggest you go elsewhere. Since it would be very lengthy if I recounted the entire day, I'll just stick with two things that piss me off most.

The first? My older brother Jamie. We were at his house today, filling up water jugs since the well is screwed up out at our current residence. Everything was nice and dandy for a while, until my brother started picking at me. What he was doing exactly was repeatedly poking my sides and pretty much ignoring me when I was telling him over and over to stop it. I'm a tad ticklish and really wasn't enjoying him doing that to me, so eventually I got enough of it and exit his house into the pouring rain, him following after calling me things like "Hair Goddess" and saying stuff like "Why do you let things get to you so easily?" and "Your such a girl".

I go out to the pickup and lock myself inside and sit there for awhile until my parents come out. So as we're driving away, they start with the whole thing about "why can't I take a joke" and "why can't you get along with your brother?". They think that it's just precious when he 'teases me' as they call it, I disagree, and say that I don't like him picking on me. In my opinion, jokes are SUPPOSED to be funny, and being make uncomfortable isn't funny at all. Of course, my father decided to be a tool and say "that I can't always swell up like a toad and go hide." What else am I supposed to do dumb ass? I told him to stop, several times.

Now as to why I can't get along with him? Well... I suppose it's because I hate and envy him. He can be a total ass hole and yet people still flock to him and adulate him. He's constantly in a relationship with SOMEONE, and makes plenty of money it seems. I've had to live in his damned colossal shadow all my life, always referred to as "Jamie's little brother", always being asked if I would join the fucking football team and follow in his damned footsteps, so I guess I developed an inferiority complex regarding him or something.

Now onto the second thing that pisses me off. When one of my parents asks "Would it crack your face to smile once in awhile?" They popped that question as we were having diner at Romano's, my reply was "I will smile when I have a reason to smile" My mother asked "like what?", which I didn't get a chance to answer before my father started listing off reasons why I SHOULD be smiling. To him I said "The vast majority of my family are druggies, my favorite brother is a druggy."

My parents then went rattling off nonsense on how that doesn't effect me and that I will have to go out and learn how to deal with people sooner or later. I didn't even give them a full reason as to why I don't smile, I can't! There are some things on that list I fear them knowing. I don't smile because I have to keep a secret from my family that could possibly get me rejected if it was found out and near constantly live in fear of them finding out (being gay), the person I am romantically interested in lives 1000+ miles away, I live in the middle of the fucking bible belt, I hate a large portion of my family, and last but not least, I just look plain goofy when I smile.