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When does it slow down? Or... speed up? Something?!
13 years ago
General
Hey. So. I'm sort of using FA as a place to post journal-like things. Well, this is CALLED a journal. So. It fits. :0)
Anyway. My last post was at like 4 in the morning, while I laid there thinking about sexuality and liking guys and what all that means. It's been a couple of weeks. A couple of really bad weeks.
First off, I've become more comfortable with the idea that I'm not "straight". I don't know if I'm bi or gay or just flat out weird, but I know I'm not just a regular old red blooded truck driving straight guy. I sure LOOK like one, but ... I know I'm not.
I've also lost my long term subbing job because of this, and been forced to tell about 10 people down here what I'm going through. Including my roommate... I'm scared of what he thinks. Ugg.
And I'm still all up in my own head. I have a VERY hot female friend who I hung out with the other night, and she knows what I'm dealing with and is supper supportive. So, we end up all cuddled up and "pretzeled", as she calls it, but she's asking me all these really good questions... do I still like girls? Could I be happy with a guy? Could I be happy with just one person? What is it about guys that I like? All that stuff. And ... I mean, those are good questions...
I think I'm going to have to move again... this small town isn't a good place to figure this all out. Not if I really want an answer. And I do. I want synthesis. I want to feel confident in whatever I think I am. And I need help getting to that point.
The low energy bulb in the lamp next to my chair is making creepy fizzling noises. I don't like it.
Anyway. My last post was at like 4 in the morning, while I laid there thinking about sexuality and liking guys and what all that means. It's been a couple of weeks. A couple of really bad weeks.
First off, I've become more comfortable with the idea that I'm not "straight". I don't know if I'm bi or gay or just flat out weird, but I know I'm not just a regular old red blooded truck driving straight guy. I sure LOOK like one, but ... I know I'm not.
I've also lost my long term subbing job because of this, and been forced to tell about 10 people down here what I'm going through. Including my roommate... I'm scared of what he thinks. Ugg.
And I'm still all up in my own head. I have a VERY hot female friend who I hung out with the other night, and she knows what I'm dealing with and is supper supportive. So, we end up all cuddled up and "pretzeled", as she calls it, but she's asking me all these really good questions... do I still like girls? Could I be happy with a guy? Could I be happy with just one person? What is it about guys that I like? All that stuff. And ... I mean, those are good questions...
I think I'm going to have to move again... this small town isn't a good place to figure this all out. Not if I really want an answer. And I do. I want synthesis. I want to feel confident in whatever I think I am. And I need help getting to that point.
The low energy bulb in the lamp next to my chair is making creepy fizzling noises. I don't like it.
I'm glad you have some very supportive friends though. They really help in dealing with this. Do you think you have made any headway in answering the questions that she asked?
Aww.... :c where are you thinking about going? I know that sounds kinda stupid of me to ask, but still. I'm just being curious and annoyed at myself. I understand what you want as far as confidence. Only recently I was able to achieve that, but it still took me a very long time. *hugs you gently and sighs*
*chuckles quietly* Even though I know this is a bit off subject, I think it needs to be replaced soon. They do that before they die.
Plus... I'm probably not gonna find a boyfriend here. :0P
About the questions... no... I'm nowhere closer to answering those.
Thanks for the encouragement! You're awesome. I really appreciate it!
hehehehe well a possible boyfriend can come out of anywhere. You just have to keep an open, lenient, and sharp mind. ;)
Don't worry about having a timeline for them. They usually take a VERY long time to answer, but once you answer them, you become at peace with yourself. *hugs*
hehehe. Don't worry~! ^^ I like to make sure my friends are ok.